Controlling Fate
by Zendelai
Summary: Even in death, Shepard's decisions affect the galaxy.
1. Detritus of War

A/N: Hello and welcome to my interpretation of the events after Mass Effect 3 if Shepard chose the Control ending. A big thank you to Bioware, of course, for the creation of this amazing universe and characters. I'd also like to thank missmeggo for being my beta, and to everyone who reads and supports my work. My update schedule will be more erratic than usual, but expect weekly updates. Enjoy!

_You did good, son._

_I'm proud of you._

_I'm_

* * *

Major Coats woke with a start, sitting up quickly in his cot, his only memory of his dream a flash of blinding blue light. He distractedly ran his fingers through his cropped hair, trying to recall more details before they slipped out of his mind like sand running through his fingers.

Was Admiral Anderson there? And Commander Shepard?

_Feels like so long since I just sat down._

He was surprised when he ran his forearm over his forehead and it came back wet with sweat. The dream was so vivid at the time, but now it was almost entirely forgotten. With a sigh of resignation, he threw his legs over the side of the cot and opened his omni-tool to check the time.

"Shit," he growled. It was 0820 hours already: his meeting with Admiral Hackett started in ten minutes, and he was half an hour away from the temporary Alliance headquarters. Skipping changing his socks, he slid his feet into his boots, threw aside the sheet he had thrown up as a privacy screen, and began to speed walk through the makeshift camp towards HQ.

The camp was a fucking disaster, to put it mildly. It was one of many scattered across London, and it was part hospital, part distribution centre, and part sleeping quarters. Quarians, turians, salarians, krogan, and humans were working in unison - at least for the moment - in an attempt to begin search and rescue operations for those lost, provide medical treatment for those injured, and beds and food for the few that were able-bodied. The place reeked of excrement, death, and desolation, but they were _alive_, which was more than could have been said of their fate a week prior.

When the camp's occupants began to thin out, he broke into a light jog to speed up the process to HQ. Not that it helped much: the ground was so covered in rubble and dead bodies it was more of a hike than a run.

Billions dead. Yet he was here, alive, drawing breath, and doing everything he could to help.

It would have been what Monica wanted.

His pregnant wife and their daughter, Julia, had been killed during the first attack on Vancouver. At the time, Anderson had sent Coats on a scouting mission in the Traverse. Part of him wished he had been with Monica and Julia in Vancouver that day. He would have never had to learn of their deaths, he would have never had to witness the horrors of the Reaper War. But if he was dead, he would have never helped Commander Shepard coordinate the attacks on what civilians were beginning to call "S-Day", and he wouldn't be rebuilding Earth today.

He wanted a coffee. He wanted a cigarette even more. But luxuries such as those would be hard to come by for the foreseeable future, so he settled for chewing on his last piece of mint gum.

He slowed to a walk when he reached the doors of the British Library. The guards stationed at the doors saluted him and allowed him to enter without question.

Their lack of suspicion concerned him. The exact nature of the Reaper defeat had yet to be determined: they had retreated, but they had not been outright destroyed. They could be amassing for a second attack at this moment; comms were limited, so it was impossible to ascertain where the enemy forces had retreated to. Who was to say they didn't still have indoctrinated agents?

Dozens of Alliance soldiers milled around the library, their expressions weary and their arms filled with stacks of paperwork. He glanced into a meeting room and spotted Dalatrass Linron speaking with Primarch Victus; it was clear that the Dalatrass was frustrated as she threw her arms up in the air and raised her voice at the turian, who appeared nonplussed by her agitation. Coats climbed a flight of stairs and finally reached Hackett's temporary office.

He swung the door open and saluted smartly as it clicked shut behind him before clasping his hands behind his back in a parade stance. Hackett was seated at an oak desk with papers piled so high that Coats could only see him from the neck up.

"I apologize for my lateness, Admiral."

"It was easier when we had transports to take us across town instead of just our feet." He gestured towards a plush pair of chairs in front of the desk. "Please, sit."

Coats obliged. The Admiral seemed to have put away some of his formalities, at least for the moment.

"We have two matters to discuss today, Major. First, the Charon Relay." Hackett input a command into his terminal, pulling up a live feed of the relay. He turned the monitor so Coats could also see it.

As soon as Coats saw what was happening to the Sol System's relay, he let out an audible curse and his hands balled into fists at his side.

Reapers, a dozen of them, were massed around the relay.

"We can't say with any degree of certainty what their plan is, but I have a few hypotheses. When Shepard activated the Crucible, he could have damaged them extensively and forced a retreat. However, that wouldn't explain why they're staying in our system, unless the relays were damaged in the blast. They also could be attempting a new style of warfare where they cut us off from the other systems, and hence reinforcement and supplies. Why they would do that considering the success of their full-frontal assault is inexplicable." Hackett took a moment to smooth the creases on the front of his uniform. "My most optimistic guess is that somehow Shepard managed to use the Crucible to rewrite their code, rendering them helpless."

Coats idly scratched at his cheek; he hadn't had access to an omni-razor in a week, and a beard - with a few more greys than he was comfortable with - had begun to sprout across his face. "Do we have any more information at all?"

Hackett solemnly shook his head. "The only way that we can get more information is to get a ship out there. We barely have any able-bodied men or ships prepared for travel, but finding out the nature of their actions is absolutely vital."

"Where are the other Reapers?"

"We don't know. We have no way of knowing. All of our other monitors were shut down in the blast - frankly, it's a miracle this one is still in operation - and all of our comms are down. We might as well use two tin cans connected with a string at this point."

"This mission sounds suicidal."

Hackett pinched between his eyes as another headache threatened to start. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, not in the wake of the potential destruction of the galaxy, but his headaches had been increasing in severity and frequency over the last six months. He feared that he would succumb to the same ailment which had claimed his father: brain cancer.

He would not allow himself to go down in a hospital bed, surrounded by apologetic family members and nurses with pitied expressions. When Steven Hackett leaves this world, it will be an honourable death for humanity.

"That's why I'm volunteering myself," Hackett said. "I won't ask anyone else to do such a risky mission." He stood and began to pace, his fingers laced behind his back. "I'll be taking a small crew of dedicated soldiers with me, just enough to run the ship. We only need to get a visual on the Reapers, so we'll attempt to stay out of striking range, but I'll have a live feed going to headquarters so any information we gather will not be lost, regardless of the outcome of my ship. We'll be taking something small and stealthy, although we all know that stealth systems never stopped the Reapers."

Stopping behind his desk to rest his hands on the edge, he let out a short sigh. "That brings me to my second point. Admiral Anderson and Commander Shepard have both been declared MIA. They were both on the Citadel at the time of Crucible activation, and you and I have seen the wreckage. They'll be classified as KIA within two weeks. Considering that my upcoming mission is likely one way, we will be short two more Admirals at a time when we need strong leadership figures."

"Admiral-"

He held up his palm to silence Coats. "Difficult times call for difficult measures. I want you to fill Anderson's position when it opens up. I don't expect my expedition to depart for another three weeks, so we'll be promoting you as soon as he's declared KIA."

Coats stared at Hackett, his mouth agape. This was insane. Hackett, the leader of the Alliance, the man required to spearhead humanity into a brighter future in lieu of the Reaper war, was sending himself on a suicide mission? Even more strange, he wanted to promote Coats to a position of leadership, entirely passing the position of Rear Admiral? Had they truly lost that many high ranking officers during S-Day? "Admiral, what's the sitrep on our Fleets?"

Hackett's normally stoic demeanor momentarily faltered, and Coats watched his shoulders slump and his eyes darken. "We lost half of the First Fleet during battle, and another ten percent sacrificed themselves so the remainder could retreat. The entire Second and Fourth Fleets were wiped out. We lost about a third of the Third and Fifth Fleets during the retreat. The Sixth and Seventh Fleets weren't engaged by the Reapers so they remained largely intact, and we lost about eighty percent of the Eighth Fleet."

"My God," Coats whispered. "We lost half of the entire fleet."

"You can see why my need for a replacement Admiral is so dire."

"I'll accept, of course." Coats knew he would be a fool not to. "But I have one condition."

"Which is?"

"My first mission will be to scout the relay."

Even in the face of deviance, Hackett's stoic demeanor did not waver. "Why?"

"You're needed here, Admiral. A hell of a lot more than I am. You can rally the people and bring them together to start a brighter future for humanity. That's something no other Admiral - or person, for that matter - will be able to do. If we send you on a suicide mission, we might as well give up on humanity."

Hackett slowly sunk into his chair, the weight of his people weighing heavily on his shoulders. "I don't have a family anymore," Coats continued. "They were lost during the initial attack on Vancouver. All I have now is my people, and I'll do whatever it takes to protect them, including sending myself into the fire."

Hackett rubbed his chin in thought. It appeared he and Coats were at an equal standing: the only thing they had left was their duty, and they would do that duty, regardless of the cost. He didn't want to save himself, but he did want to oversee humanity's restoration if the opportunity presented itself. The thought of the potential cancer still lingered in the back of his mind, but he had a chance to achieve so much before sickness rendered him helpless. "I'll set my own conditions. Effective immediately, you're promoted to the rank of Rear Admiral. Departing in three weeks, you'll take the SSV_ Alamance _to investigate the Charon Relay. You'll take a crew of my choosing. When you return, you'll be promoted to Admiral." He turned to face the window, gazing out on the city. The majority of the buildings had been reduced to rubble and ash; the library was the largest intact building, which was why it had been designated as Headquarters. Rain began to fall from the slate clouds in large drops, a warning of a storm to come. Although he desired to see the sun, so long covered by the darkness that came with the Reapers, he desired even more to see the rain wash away the detritus of war.

"One more matter before you're dismissed, Rear Admiral." Coats couldn't help but start at the new title; he had become accustomed to Major Coats, and as with every promotion so far it would take some time to adjust to Rear Admiral Coats. "Off the record, I'd like to request that you bring a friend of mine with you on your mission. Consider him to be an adviser."

"Who is it, sir?"

Out of the shadows stepped a man Coats knew only by reputation; he sported heavy armour and had a Viper sniper rifle strapped to his back. Like Coats, he hadn't had access to an omni-razor in some time and his cheeks and chin were covered in gray grizzle, and his one blue eye glinted in the office's lighting. Zaeed Massani growled, "I heard he's an expert on suicide missions."


	2. Pear-Shaped

_When Joker entered the cockpit of the _Normandy, _an area so familiar to him that it had become more like home than Tiptree, he found Shepard perched in his pilot's chair. His knees were drawn to his chest and his expression was vacant. The Commander had left the shutters open and the stars reflected in his pupils as they flashed by them too quickly to focus on one. A long-forgotten mug of instant coffee was resting on the chair's arm._

_"Morning, Commander." He tried and failed to keep the confusion out of his tone as he limped to EDI's usual chair._

_"We need to have a talk, Joker." In his usual style, Shepard got straight to business. No beating around the bush, especially when they were all about to put their lives on the line - again - when they landed on Earth in a few hours._

_"I'm all ears." He took a sip of his instant coffee. It was almost entirely water, and he sincerely regretted not putting in more sugar. As the war progressed, luxuries such as coffee had become harder and harder to come by._

_Shepard let out a long sigh, taking a sip of his coffee and recoiling when he realized that it was ice cold. When he rested his mug on the floor before sitting upright, running his bottom lip through his teeth, Joker realized that he was stalling._

_"No one has any idea what the hell is going to happen when we get down there," Shepard began, his eyes remaining on the stars overhead. "But chances are it's not going to end well, for some or all of us. Knowing that... if - or when - things go pear-shaped, I need you to take the _Normandy_ and whoever's on it and get her the hell away from Earth. We have no idea what we're walking into, but it'll give me some peace of mind to know that at least some of my crew will make it out alive."_

_"Commander-"_

_Shepard's hard gaze fixed on Joker, waiting for the argument. But instead Joker fell silent, choosing to give the Commander his peace of mind for the moment. When the time came, Joker knew that he would do what was right, and that was to make sure that everyone made it home in one piece, the Commander included. It had become apparent over the weeks that Shepard had decreasing faith that he would live through today's battle._

_"Yes, Commander. I'll do what I can."_

_"Good to hear. I knew I could trust you." He grabbed his mug and stood, grasping Joker's shoulder firmly before turning to exit the cockpit._

_"One question, Commander?"_

_"Yes?"_

_Joker swallowed his pride. "Will EDI be on the ground with you today?"_

_"Not today," Shepard replied without pause. "I'll have her nearby feeding me reports. She's too valuable to put her directly in the fire."_

_Joker nodded, wordlessly, and took his chair back with some weariness lifted off his shoulders._

_Her safety wasn't guaranteed, but her chances were looking better._

* * *

Joker regained consciousness with a splitting headache. From his peripheral vision he could see the red warning light flashing, but no sirens were going off and the engine was silent. They must have landed, more or less intact. He sat up slowly, adjusting his off-kilter hat, and when he opened his eyes he was greeted by a throb from his head. The crash must have caused a minor concussion, and he vowed to visit the med bay.

That was until he saw EDI's form slumped over her console.

"EDI!" He cried. Panic ran like a jolt of adrenaline through his body, freezing his muscles so that when he attempted to stand to reach her he fell over his chair onto the floor.

"I am here, Jeff." Her voice did not emanate from her mobile platform, but through the ship's speakers, as it had in the days of working under Cerberus. "My mobile platform has sustained damage and requires repair."

"You scared the shit out of me," he grumbled, leaning on his hands to hoist himself up to his feet. "I'm going to check on the crew and grab Garrus to take a look at you."

"I will wait here," she responded.

With an exasperated sigh Joker began to stumble through the ship, his head throbbing with each step. Most of the crew members he passed appeared alive but mildly injured, grumbling their displeasure at headaches similar to his own and a few broken bones. The ship had been damaged - crates had fallen and scattered their contents over the floor, lights were flickering feebly, Shepard's console at the CIC had toppled over - but to what extent he could not ascertain until EDI ran her diagnostics. He reached the elevator and rode it to the crew deck, making a beeline for the med bay.

When he entered, the piercing gazes of Doctor Chakwas and Kaidan lifted from an occupied bed and briefly found him before returning to the patient. He hobbled over to the bed and saw Tali, sound asleep, with a gaping hole in her suit above her right knee.

"Doc, Kaidan." He greeted them both with curt nods. "She going to be alright?"

He noticed that Kaidan was holding one of her hands, running his thumb over hers. "Physically, yes," he answered carefully. He let out a long breath and ran his other hand through his hair. "But she doesn't know that we left Shepard behind."

Joker swallowed the bile in his throat. He had kept his promise to Shepard - when the Crucible activated, he had managed to save the crew and the ground team - but they had to leave Shepard on the Citadel. Otherwise, they would have all died for nothing.

_We need to go, Joker, _Kaidan had said to him. Although it had been difficult to hear, Joker knew that he was right.

The weight of his Commander's life had rested on his shoulders. He shifted uncomfortably at the thought, his eyes fixed on Tali's visor. How would she react when she found out that they had left her love behind?

"She went unconscious shortly after Shepard sent her and Garrus back onto the ship," Chakwas explained. "She managed to seal off her suit, so we won't have to worry about a blood infection, but we're keeping her sedated for now just to be safe."

Joker nodded slowly, and Kaidan's gaze found his. "Don't worry. You don't have to tell her. I will."

"It was my decision as well as yours. Shepard asked me to save the crew when the time was right, so I did."

"He asked me for the same thing. Although this is the last thing we all want to think about, I'm the highest-ranking Alliance officer on the ship, so I'm technically in command until we get ourselves back in order. That means that I'm taking responsibility for the crew's decisions, as well as my own."

"You're the boss," Joker mumbled in acquiescence. "Everyone else alright?"

"Only minor injuries so far," Chakwas answered. "But I'll need to perform full examinations on all crew members to ensure there are no signs of internal injuries."

Kaidan piped in, "I'll get the memo out that everyone requires a mandatory physical within the next 72 hours."

"Thank you, Major."

"Anyone seen Garrus?" Joker inquired. "EDI's platform is having some issues after the crash."

"Check the battery," Kaidan suggested, a faint smile ghosting across his weary features.

"Thanks, Major, never would have thought of that one myself. Mind giving me some painkillers before I go, Doc? I have a headache that could stop a rampaging bull."

Chakwas nodded curtly, rifling through her cupboard to find the appropriate injector before inserting it in Joker's forearm and tossing the injector in the trash receptacle.

On his way out the door, he said, "If Garrus comes around, tell him I'm looking for him."

When Joker reached the main battery, it was empty. He tried Liara's office, but the door was locked and she gently requested privacy. The Port observation deck and Life Support were empty, and the lounge only held a few crew members who were trying desperately to get in touch with family down on Earth. He finally found Garrus in the Starboard Observation Deck, but he was quickly under the impression that he was invading an intensely private ritual.

Garrus sat on Samara's old couch, gazing at the unknown planet they had landed on. The shelves surrounding him had released their contents during the landing and were scattered at his feet. On the table before him, Shepard's hamster Burt was running in small circles, letting out an occasional squeak. Although Joker could not see his expression, he could read Garrus's defeat in his slumped shoulders and clenched fists. Brushing aside the debris, he took a seat on the couch beside Garrus, watching the greenery flutter in the gentle breeze outside of the ship. The sky was a shade of blue he hadn't seen since the days before the Reapers, and it struck him how truly over the war was.

"You did the right thing," Garrus said. "You did what you had to. No one doubts that."

Joker remained silent. Was Garrus right? Had he done the right thing, abandoning the Commander to save everyone else? If they had stayed, could the Commander have survived? They all saw the explosion. Denial was bound to run through everyone's minds - Shepard had come back from the dead before, after all, who was to say that he wouldn't do it again? The first time Shepard died, it had been Joker's fault for being so damn stubborn. Could he live with himself, knowing that the second time was his fault again?

He clenched his fists and hung his head low, fighting the tears that threatened to break down his barriers. He needed to be strong now. They all did. For Shepard.

"It's my fault too," Garrus muttered. "I should have gone to the beam with him. I wasn't hurt like Tali. I could have done it. But like you, I followed orders. And now we're here, and Shepard's... Spirits, none of us know."

Joker couldn't deny the fact that he wasn't the only one with the weight of Shepard on his shoulders. Garrus and Tali had left him, and Kaidan had made the call too. It was a reminder that he didn't have to carry the burden alone, and they had to stick together through whatever the hell happened from here.

"Do you think Shepard's really gone?" Joker whispered, angrily brushing away the wetness in his eyes with his forearm.

"He's fooled us before. Here's to hoping he can fool us again." Shepard's hamster attempted a suicidal leap off the table, but Garrus smoothly caught him in one hand and plopped him back on the table, earning an indignant squeak.

"Too bad we already took down Cerberus. Sure could use those guys again."

"It would be nice to get some target practice," Garrus drawled.

"I know it's a bit of a bad time, but EDI's body is out of commission. Think you could take a look at it?"

Garrus stood quickly, scooped up Burt and dropped him in a pocket of his armour. The distraction from his thoughts would be welcome. "Let's go."

Joker followed Garrus out of Life Support. Watching his wide shoulders emphasized by his heavy armour, he could see how at one time Garrus seemed intimidating to him. Now, however, he was a trusted friend who Joker knew would only hurt those who deserved it.

He just had to make sure he never _would _deserve it.

The pair stopped in the main battery to grab Garrus's tool kit before returning to the cockpit. Joker took his familiar seat and began to run diagnostics on the _Normandy_ while Garrus ran his omni-tool over EDI's body.

"Fried circuit board." He opened his tool kit and removed a small screwdriver kit and a soldering iron. "Shouldn't be a tough fix. What are the onboard diagnostic reads?"

Joker lifted the brim of his hat to scratch his head as he watched the numbers fly past him. "I don't know how, but absolutely everything is fried. We have no comms, no nav system, and we're running on reserve power. Looks like EDI's isn't the only circuit board that got fried."

Garrus opened the latch on the back of EDI's neck, revealing her main control board. With steady hands and eyes narrowed in focus, he began to solder the broken connections. "EDI," he said, "what are our rations at? Both dextro and levo?"

"If we ration, we have enough levo rations for the crew for three weeks and enough dextro rations for four."

"You think you could start running some more in-depth diagnostics on the other systems? See what we'll need to get ourselves limped to the nearest mass relay?"

"Yes, Doctor Vakarian. I will have results within the hour."

"Thank you, Ms. EDI."

Joker rolled his eyes. "Listen you two, just because Garrus gets to put his hands all over you doesn't mean that you can get cutesy nicknames for each other."

Garrus raised a brow plate at Joker. "Jealous?"

"Never. Just don't like seeing other hands - talons - on my woman."

"You can fix her, if you'd like."

"Just... forget I said anything."

Garrus's subvocals hummed in victory, a sound which Joker didn't pick up on. He cared about both Joker and EDI, and he was pleased when they found each other, circumstances notwithstanding. Synthetic or organic, EDI was the first person to make Joker truly smile in the time that Garrus had known him, and although he didn't entirely understand her range of feelings he knew that she cared about him deeply too.

He had also been pleased when Shepard and Tali started to show a mutual interest. They were both like siblings to him, and they found love when they both needed it the most. Although Tali was unconscious in the med bay now, he knew she would be devastated when she finds out about leaving Shepard on the Citadel. She had proven to be inexorably strong in the face of adversity over the years, but breaking a love as deep as that which existed between her and Shepard was bound to shatter her.

He would have to do what he had always done best: be there for support, watching her six as he had watched Shepard's over the years. It was the least he could do.

Completing the job of repairing EDI's circuit board, he closed the latch and leaned back to crack his spine. "All set to go, EDI. Fire up the platform."

With a flicker of orange her visor flashed into life and she sat up quickly. "Thank you, Garrus. I would like to take this platform outside to perform an initial scan of the area, if that would be agreeable."

With a groan, Joker pulled himself out of his chair. "Always dragging the cripple out for walks."

"If he won't go with you, EDI, I gladly will," Garrus chimed in.

"No! I'll go!" Joker's comment was too hasty to be natural.

In passing, Joker spared a glance at his seat as they made their way off his ship, and out of the corner of his eye he could have sworn that he saw Shepard in the seat again, his knees pulled up to his chest.


	3. Come Back to Me

_Shepard and Tali were on a boat heading straight towards the eye of the storm. Knowing this, they chose to embrace in their last moments before the tide attempted to sweep them away._

_She trembled as she stood before him; not in fear of the inevitable storm, but for the fear of peeling away the layers of herself to expose the woman beneath the mask and the suit. For the years away from the flotilla, the mask had become both a comfort and a burden: it hid her eyes, the betrayer of her true intentions, but as a result she was unable to open a door into her emotions to any outsiders. Now that Shepard was knocking at the door, she suddenly feared opening it._

_In her time with Shepard, he had shown his occasional inability to exercise patience. Yet when Tali paused to take a series of calming breaths, he did nothing but smile encouragingly. When her trembling hand reached for the latches to remove her mask, he grasped them to steady them while speaking in a low voice. "Only do this if you're ready."_

_As he rested a calloused palm on the side of her mask, she knew that their ship may toss and turn, it may attempt to capsize, but in the end he was her anchor. "I am ready."_

_With a hiss, the clasps released and her mask was thrown haphazardly to the floor._

—

_The air in Shepard's lungs rushed out when, for the first time, he met Tali's uncovered eyes._

_In spite of the lack of facial expressions for him to read, he had grown accustomed to reading her intentions through the fluctuations in her voice and through her body language. Now she was entirely exposed before him, and every hidden emotion was apparent in her bright eyes: her respect bordering on reverence, her loyalty, her fear, her adoration, her love. He felt in that moment that her love for him was so strong that it overflowed, and his need to have her — every part of her — overwhelmed him until his knees almost buckled. He needed to open himself to her the way that she had done for him, he needed to return the love that he now knew that he felt for her._

_Her hand ghosted up to touch her face. "Do you… not like it?"_

_He hadn't realized the prolonged silence until she broke it, and it pulled him out of his reverie. He swallowed the lump in his throat and touched her cheek, sighing at the softness of her skin. "You're absolutely perfect," he muttered thickly._

_Together they pulled away their carefully constructed layers, revealing the love buried deep within._

* * *

A thumb brushed against hers in slow strokes, but the human gesture was not comforting in its firmness and pressure like Shepard's; rather, it was gentle and inhibited, a friend and not a lover. Kaidan, perhaps? Why him and not Shepard? Why did her entire body feel numb and unresponsive, and her mind foggy? Why was there a dull ache in her leg?

She remembered bidding Shepard goodbye before stumbling onto the _Normandy_, using Garrus as her support prior to her collapse in the cargo bay.

_Come back to me._

That was her last memory, before she settled into a dream - a memory, so vivid it felt real, of the first time she had removed her mask for Shepard. Her stomach twisted as she remembered that she had left him, alone, down on Earth. He needed her, and she had left him. He had insisted that she go to safety, but that was just his way: put himself in danger to save her. Her fists involuntarily clenched as she thought of the last glimpse that she had of his face, determination setting fire to his eyes.

_I have a home._

"You awake, Tali?" Kaidan's voice drifted through the fog to reach her, and she felt his hand squeeze hers. Tears unbidden sprung into her eyes at the confirmation that it was not Shepard at her side. That meant that he was either gravely injured, or absent.

"Yes," she grumbled. She opened her eyes to reveal that she was in the med bay; to her dismay, the lights were dimmed and the room was empty, spare herself and Kaidan. Utter silence filled the room; the _Normandy's _engines were offline. She attempted to sit up, but a dizzy spell forced her back onto the bed.

"Easy there, Doctor Chakwas has you on a whole cocktail of painkillers. How do you feel?"

"Foggy. Where's Shepard?"

Kaidan winced. He should have known that Tali would get straight to the question that he didn't want to answer. He inhaled deeply, readying himself for the fallout from her reaction. "After you and Garrus boarded the ship, we waited in the wings for Shepard. We found out from Hackett that he had boarded the Citadel and he activated the Crucible. We don't know exactly what happened from there, but the Citadel... exploded." He heard Tali suck in a ragged breath, and he squeezed her hand reassuringly. The rest of his words couldn't come out fast enough. "There was a sort of blue wave of energy that chased us away from the system, so Joker took us to the Charon relay and plotted an uncharted jump. We crash landed on this planet, our nav and comms are down so we don't know exactly where we are but it has to be either in the Arcturus Stream, the Viper Nebula, the Exodus Cluster, or the Caleston Rift. There's a small chance we ended up in the Serpent Nebula, but since the Citadel is the only object in the system with the mass relay-"

"We left Shepard behind." Her interruption was monotone, and he watched her eyes flicker up to the ceiling. So gently it was almost unnoticeable she pulled her hand out of his and crossed her hands on her stomach.

"We had to."

"Did we really." It was a statement, not a question.

"Tali, we all regret what happened to Shepard. But he spoke to Joker and I before we landed on Earth, and he made it known that the crew coming out alive - that you coming out alive - was what was most important to him."

She audibly swallowed. "Part of me knew he wasn't coming back," she said thickly, "But that doesn't make it any easier to accept."

"We thought this would be a one-way trip for all of us. In Shepard's eyes, this would be considered a success."

"Are we sure he's..." Her lips were unable to form the remainder of her question, and it hung in the air, becoming the elephant in the room.

Kaidan responded with false reassurance. "We won't be sure until we get to Earth."

"And the Reapers?"

"We can't say anything for certain, but we haven't seen any on this planet, which is a start. That wave of energy likely knocked them out, or at least did a good bit of damage."

"May I be alone?" Tali asked quietly.

"Of course," Kaidan softly replied. "I'll be right outside if you need anything."

As soon as the door closed behind him, Tali rolled into a ball on her side and collapsed into ragged sobs that racked through her whole body and made her throat ache. She wept until the fog carried her back under into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

As he promised, Kaidan waited outside the medbay for Tali. Undoubtedly she needed the time to let it all out; Kaidan had a similar experience just after he regained consciousness. However, duty called, and he could no longer let the despair overtake him. Although the _Normandy _would always be Shepard's, for the sake of the team, he had to temporarily step into a leadership position.

They had three weeks to get the _Normandy_ space worthy before their rations ran out, and they needed a plan.

All external comms were down, but he could still use EDI to send short range inter-ship memos; so he pulled up his omni-tool and sent a message to the whole crew, scheduling a ship wide meeting the next morning at 0700 hours. That would give everyone a chance to stitch up their wounds in the medbay, get some much-needed rest, and set aside the worst of their grief so they would be ready for hard work.

Growing up, he had always dreamed of one day having a ship to call his own and a crew to command. Knowing what it cost to obtain the objects of his desire left a bitter taste in his mouth.

He loved Shepard. He could have loved Shepard as more than a commander and a friend if he hadn't seen the way that Shepard looked at Tali. If Shepard asked him to instigate a fight with a krogan in a bar, he would have picked the biggest. If Shepard asked him to sacrifice himself to save the rest of the crew, he would have done it without a second thought. Shepard inspired that sort of loyalty and dedication with all of his crew members. For Kaidan, it could have been his infallible confidence in his ability to get the job done, regardless of the cost. Some were inspired by his dedication to the Alliance and the Spectres, as well as the cause. Others believed in the way that he would take no guff with strangers, yet he treated his friends and crew members like family, letting them into his heart as they let him into theirs. Conversation with Shepard flowed like a wide river as he opened himself up to you, bit by bit. With Kaidan, they had first bonded over the realization that they were both Sentinels, a rare breed, and L2s, an even more rare breed.

God, he had made such an ass of himself on Horizon. At the time, he was so hurt that Shepard had become so special to him that he had been inconsolable for weeks after learning of his death, yet Shepard couldn't make the effort to find him. And Cerberus. _Cerberus_. The group that left a wake of mutilated corpses wherever they went.

Then again, Shepard had always been good at turning a blind eye to the most vile of acts.

But now was not the time to bring up old grievances. As much as he wanted to deny it, Shepard was likely dead. Now was a time to mourn, and to bring up the best memories of the commander who had changed his life for the better. And to honour him, he would be the best damn commander he could be - even if it was just temporary.

* * *

James woke long before the sun. He had always been an early riser, getting in his workout and a hearty breakfast before most people had even gotten dressed. Last night, however, his dream of his date with Jack was lifelike in its vividness. He resented the Reapers for nipping that romance in the bud.

He stood in the mess hall, today's smoothie staring back at him. As their resources dwindled, he had to first lose the yogurt, then the frozen berries, then the milk, then the juice. Now, his morning energy consisted of a blend of a dried egg yolk, a scoop of protein powder, and a container of nutrient paste. It tasted like a krogan's asshole... Not that he had been going around and tasting krogan assholes or anything.

He bounced on the spot to pump himself up before downing the smoothie in one long chug, coughing and dry heaving when the smoothie disappeared down his throat. He immediately turned to head up the elevator and exit the ship, desperate for his first chance at real fresh air.

The climate on the planet was almost intolerably humid and hot, but as he jogged a wide perimeter around the ship he began to enjoy the sweat that beaded on his skin, pulling the remnants of the war out of his body.

However, he wasn't just working out for the sake of routine; the battle for Earth may have ended, but there was no way to know if the war was truly over. This crash landing could be nothing but the last gasp of breath before diving into the pool.

He stopped when he found an appropriately sturdy looking tree branch to begin his chin-ups and pull-ups (150 of each). His breath gained a steady momentum as he worked, focusing his mind on the familiar ache developing in his muscles. Years of hard work had taught him that pain meant success, and the more pain you were in the better your results would be the next day.

A shot rang out in the distance and he stopped, dangling from the tree with his legs crossed above the ground. When he heard the sound again he dropped to the ground, branches and leaves crackling under foot, to investigate the source.

The trees grew more and more dense as he pushed through them, tiny thorny bushes on the ground threatening to break the skin on his bare legs. Another shot reverberated through the trees, sending a group of blackbirds into the sky with a series of dismayed cries. The air began to take on a salty smell, and he guessed that he was nearing water.

Light broke through the trees before him and he emerged into a small clearing on a cliff's edge, overlooking a winding river. He could faintly hear the rapids pushing against the rocks. Tali stood in the centre of the clearing, her shotgun aimed at the other side of the river.

"Tali?" he said gently, as to not surprise the grieving, shotgun-wielding quarian.

"James!" she gasped, immediately holstering her gun. "What are you doing out here?"

"Morning workout. What are _you _doing out here?"

She rubbed her hands together nervously. Although she had grown to trust James during the months they had served together on the SR-2, the trust didn't reach far enough to warrant her opening up to him. "Just... taking a walk around the planet. See what it has to offer. Want to walk back to the ship with me?"

He raised a curious brow at her obvious lie, but he knew that keeping her company would serve her better than leaving her alone. "Sounds great. We have that meeting in an hour, anyways."

"Right." She spared one last glance at the river, memorizing the spot before turning away. She had a restless sleep that night, her mind a movie reel of images of Shepard, and when she woke up at the small hours of the morning she craved the comfort of fresh air. Even if she couldn't feel it on her skin, she enjoyed the sights and smells the outdoors had to offer. During her exploration she had stumbled on this cliff, and it reminded her so much of the cliff on Rannoch where she and Shepard had stood after destroying the Reaper and saving the quarian people at the cost of the geth. The recollection of their happy times together was like a jagged blade ripping through her heart.

"How ya holding up?" James asked, sounding like he was skirting through a minefield.

"As well as you can imagine. Part of me wants to rush back to Earth in the small chance that Shepard is still alive, but we know the chances of that are slim. If it wasn't for our limited rations, I'd almost want to stay here."

James rested his fists on his hips. "At least we picked a good place to land, tropical paradise and all."

"My suit coolers are working over time."

A comfortable silence followed while the pushed aside the brush in search of the _Normandy_. "Do you really think Shepard's alive?"

After a long pause, Tali responded, "No. But I need to cling onto the hope, because Shepard's the only thing I've got."

James clapped her on the shoulder and squeezed. "He's not the only thing you've got. You have all of us, too."

Her lips pursed, she nodded firmly. Even if she lost her lover, she still had her _Normandy _family.

* * *

Kaidan grasped the edge of the table with both hands, his mug of tea steaming on the desk before him. It felt wrong, so wrong, being the one about to give orders, but they all needed him now. His eyes flickered across the crew in the conference room with him. Javik looked distinctly unimpressed while James bounced on the spot, eager to do whatever was needed of him. EDI was, as usual, calm and collected, hands laced behind her back. Joker leaned against the table for support, gazing off into the distance, while Tali was almost unreadable. Garrus made adjustments on his omni-tool, his brow plates set into a furrow, and Cortez seemed prepared for anything, a tool bag propped at his feet and a steaming mug clasped in his hands. Liara appeared morose and slightly lost whereas Traynor was perched at the table with a terminal, ready to take notes.

"Good morning everyone and thanks for coming," he began, the steady drumming of Traynor's typing punctuating his speech. "I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their great work down on Earth, and to remind you all that even though Shepard cannot be with us today, he will always be in our hearts, and we need to get ourselves back to Earth for him." A murmur of agreement travelled through the group. "Alright, time to get to business.

"We have enough levo supplies to cover us for three weeks, if we ration. Since Tali and Garrus are the only dextros, they have enough supplies for four weeks. So we need to get this ship space worthy in that time.

"EDI has run some basic diagnostics, and our biggest problem right now is that we have no power because of the damage to the coupling in the power core. No power means no comms, no nav, and most importantly, no movement." He saw Joker exchange a grim smile with EDI. "We also have a hole portside that's about the size of a volus and a series of other external damage from the landing. Normally if we just replaced the coupling we'd be in the air in two days, but we don't have access to one. We need our best tech people and engineers on that coupling performing repairs, but due to how extensive the damage is we'd still be pushing three weeks if every person on the ship was working on it." He gripped the table firmly, channeling his frustration at the ship's lack of power.

"What I'd like to propose is that we have a team dedicated to recon on the planet as well as the search for food," he continued. "Although the coupling is our main problem, it's created a trickle-down effect to a series of other problems that I'm not the best person to describe. But we're basically looking at a lot of blown fuses, burnt out circuits, and broken connectors."

He began to pace in front of the group, his eyes meeting those whom he assigned duties to. He couldn't help the stir of pride to see them all listen to him with a rapt attentiveness. "I'd like Tali and EDI to be on scouting duty with a team of crew members. EDI will be able to scan everything planet side, and Tali will be able to identify potential dextro food sources and possibly find us parts out there in case there's any other civilization or even downed ships. Garrus, Gabby, Ken, Greg, and anyone else you may need are assigned to coupling duty. Traynor and Liara, I need you to get nav systems back up, and Joker and Cortez will be assigned to comms. James, Javik, and myself will be working on the external damage.

"I know that we've all been through a lot, but we're going to need to work hard and work together if we have any hope of getting out of here alive. Everyone will have a mandatory 10 hours daily of down time, as well as a 1-hour break midday to receive your rations. We copacetic?"

Everyone began to nod their acquiescence. "Good. We all have jobs, let's get to them."

As the crew left the room, murmuring amongst each other, he drank the last of his tea and rested his mug on the table.

They had a long few weeks ahead of them, but Kaidan had faith in all of them.

A/N: Huge thank you to MissMeggo for being a fantastic beta! And thank you to everyone who's been reading thus far!


	4. Grey Skies

A/N: I'd like to send a big thank you to my beta, MissMeggo, who has vastly improved the quality of my work. A special thank you also goes out to mynameiscloud over on tumblr, who created this beautiful cover art for me!

_Jacob dashed into cover beside Gunnery Chief Shepard, his breath coming in rapid gasps._

_"What's the sitrep?" Shepard asked._

_Jacob shook his head slowly. "I don't like it, Chief. A dozen batarians against just the three of us and one of them is on the high ground with a rocket launcher. We don't even have a sniper to take him out, and the rest of them are nestled into cover."_

_Shepard's lips pursed. "Don't worry, we've got those ugly bastards." He poked his head up from cover to quickly identify the locations of the hostiles, ducking under just in time while a bullet whizzed over his head. The second subordinate in the group, Private Wells, rolled into cover beside them. Luckily he was uninjured, but sweat poured down face beneath the weight of his heavy armour and he was clearly winded._

_"Listen up, Privates. We can't take them down with firepower alone, so we need to flank them. Taylor, I'm going to need you to pull up a barrier and hit them from the left. There are two of them in the same cover spot so get close enough that you can take them out with your shotgun, and from there you should be able to pull the guy hiding behind those crates. Wells, use your assault rifle and hit them from the right. The second your shield is down, boost it to get it back up. I'm going to go to the high ground to use Sabotage on that hostile with the launcher. On my mark."_

_Wells took the last gulp of his water and nodded. "Let's do it, Chief."_

_Shepard stuck just the top of his head over the cover so he could scan the area. When he saw the batarian with the rocket launcher turn away, he pointed in the respective directions and made a dash for the stairs._

_Chaos ensued. Jacob threw up his barrier just in time before a rain of bullets came from an enemy SMG, bouncing harmlessly off his barriers. He shot the first batarian in the head with his shotgun, sending each of his eyes flying in different directions, and then smacked the second in the forehead with the butt of his gun, his body crumpling like an accordion onto the floor. He dove into the nearest cover, catching a glimpse of Wells taking out two batarians on his own. He mustered a powerful pull, knocking two batarians out of cover and towards Wells, who shot them both down. _

_Shepard, however, had not been as lucky; a vanguard batarian had chased him up the stairs and he was locked into a duel with him, his bullets unable to penetrate the enemy's barriers before more shots came his way. As he was distracted, the rocketeer sent a shot straight towards Wells. He dove into cover but it was too late; the rocket hit his legs and blew his lower body into pieces. He let out a cry of agony that dissolved into gargles before he collapsed, dead._

_Jacob let out a battle cry and shot the batarian nearest to him in the kneecaps, pulling another to send him cascading haphazardly through the air, knocking him unconscious when he hit a concrete pillar. Shepard had managed to use Warp to take down his first combatant and then Sabotage on the rocketeer, rendering him helpless as his body was riddled with bullets._

_With a bang Jacob's shields went down from a shot in the back. Another bang and pain, sudden and blinding, exploded in Jacob's left side, sending him tumbling face first into the floor. The batarian that had shot him rolled him over with his boot before hovering over him, a sick smile crossing his features. The batarian raised his pistol to Jacob's face and suddenly he was out of Jacob's line of vision, thrown back by Shepard, who had sprinted towards him at full speed before tackling him on the ground. His teeth bared ferociously, Shepard brought his rifle down on the batarian's face three times until it was an unrecognizable pulp and his body stopped its final twitches._

_Shepard stood, his armour bloodied, and he dashed to Jacob's side._

_"Wells..."_

_"I know." Shepard's voice had grown ragged. The adrenaline had kicked in for Jacob, and his mind was filled with incomprehensible thoughts and a blinding fog. Meanwhile, Shepard pulled up his omni-tool and hailed their vessel. "_Tsushima _this is Gunnery Chief Shepard. I have one wounded soldier and one soldier KIA. Batarian reinforcements are moving in, I need backup. I repeat, I need backup!"_

_Jacob's breath had become ragged and he clutched at the wound. The blood was draining from his face and his skin was becoming ashen. "Jacob!" Shepard cried out. Strong arms grasped Jacob's shoulders and behind his knees and lifted him into the air. As Shepard jogged out of the compound with Jacob in his arms, he succumbed to the blackness._

* * *

_"I have never met a soldier quite like you, Shepard." Jacob held up his beer bottle, wincing at the sharp pain in his side from the movement. Shepard's bottle touched Jacob's with a clink, and they both drank deeply. _

_A gunshot wound - especially one that pierced your liver - was no laughing matter. Shepard managed to return them both to safety, but Jacob had lost two pints of blood and had to go into emergency surgery. After a week in recovery, he attempted to pay off a portion of his life debt to Shepard by buying him a beer on a breezy patio. _

_"I owe you one," Jacob continued, "And a Taylor always pays their debts."_

_Shepard pointed the mouth of his bottle at Jacob. "I won't forget that promise."_

_"You deserve the promotion, Chief. Or should I say Lieutenant?" He let out a low chuckle. "It's just too bad you're moving on to another ship. I'll miss serving under you."_

_"You're a good soldier too, Jacob. I have a feeling this won't be the last beer that we share."_

_"I sure as hell hope it's not."_

* * *

The skies of London were grey again today. Just as they had been grey the day before, and grey the day before that. It had managed to rain a week prior, making the sky black instead of grey, but even after the rain ceased the sun did not make an appearance.

Jacob had grown tired of the rain. He had grown up in sunny Miami, Florida, where the weather was either hot and brutally humid or hot and dry. There were the occasional thunderstorms, but they often came and went quickly, leaving destruction of trees and power lines in their wake. But whenever he heard that first rumble of a storm, or felt the first oversized drops of rain before the skies opened and poured on him, he always smiled. The rains would wash away the cloying humidity that glued skin to fabric and brought a respite for the plants that shriveled and grew brown in the dry season. And after the rain, there was always the sun.

Not since before the battle of London had he seen the sun. It had become so elusive that he forgot what it was like to feel the rays warm up his skin, to hear the birds leave the safety of their nests to herald the day... to feel that any happiness still existed in a galaxy so beaten and broken.

Being on Earth during that battle had its advantages: he had been able to help directly, and he had been able to see exactly how the tide turned. He had watched as a blue burst of energy emanated from the Crucible, and he had watched as the Reaper forces had retreated. It also meant that, with almost all off-planet communications down, he had no way to contact Brynn and catch a glimpse of her growing stomach.

Brynn had put in a great effort to convince him to name their son Shepard. However, he had been young once: he knew that with a name like that the boy would be teased to self-consciousness. When he had proposed they name him Landon - Shepard's rarely used first name - she had agreed that it was an equal tribute and they had settled on it. Brynn was expected to give birth to their son, Landon David Taylor, in three months. Three months that felt too long while he worked towards Earth's restoration.

He arrived at his site for the day: it had once been an apartment complex, but now it was nothing but chunks of rock and heavy concrete dust. He put on the mask to cover his face and began loading the rubble into the nearby truck, which transported all waste materials to a plant-in-progress to be processed so they could be reused.

He was a strong man, but lifting heavy chunks of concrete was no easy task, and in spite of the cool air he was quickly lathered in sweat. Three hours in, with arms the consistency of jello and protesting quads, he took his lunch break. He had picked up his daily rations from the distribution center that morning: a nutrient bar and dried mangoes (breakfast), a pre-made ham sandwich (lunch), a can of beef stew (dinner), and three bottles of water. As a biotic with high calorie requirements, the rations were minimal, but his previous position on Shepard's squad gave him a certain degree of prestige, and the folks at the distribution center often slipped him an extra nutrient bar or sandwich. He grabbed his bag with the sandwich and water bottle and went to the other side of the complex to get a half an hour of peace and quiet before he returned to work.

London was unrecognizable. The vast majority of the buildings had been reduced to nothing but rubble, burying the streets and the foliage. The heart of the city had been hit the worst, but he knew the suburbs barely fared better; most houses had been crushed, and refugees were coming into the city by the truckload daily, searching for any food, water, or shelter. The war had obliterated the class system, and now the rich shared tents with the poor, and the middle class were giving their spare bottles of water to the upper class.

The apocalypse sure had a way of bringing people together.

He was about to take a large bite out of his sandwich when a sight before him made his heart stop.

It was a Banshee.

Every limb froze, fear gripping him knowing that any miniscule movement could alert her - it - to his presence. It was less than 20 feet away from him, crossing from east to west. Why there was one here, alive and roaming the streets, was absolutely beyond him, but it struck fear deep into his heart. The war wasn't over yet. The Reapers had retreated, but they had not been vanquished. He needed to notify Hackett immediately, but in order to do that, he had to survive.

Subconsciously, his hand drifted down to his hip holster. His hand froze, palm open, when he realized what an idiot he was. His trusty Carnifex was sitting in the footlocker at the camp right now, and he was completely unarmed.

The banshee turned to face him, a leering grin on its face, turning his bowels to water and sucking the air out of his lungs. Experience eliminated fear, but he had watched many men succumb to horrible deaths at the hands of these creatures. He was fucked and he knew it.

He wanted so desperately to see Brynn again, to give her one last kiss, to run his hands over her growing stomach, to hold her while sleep took them. He wanted to meet Landon David Taylor, hold his tiny feet in his hands and feel his soft skin. He wanted to have more children, get a dog (a German Shepard or a golden retriever, the perfect family dog), maybe even a cat, and find a quiet home to spend the rest of his days with his beautiful family.

He expected to hear the cry, the blood-curdling scream, which preceded a banshee attack. She raised her left hand and...

She _waved._

It wasn't the sort of wave you expected from a psychopath before she rips you into pieces. It was the sort of wave that was exchanged between friends, a quick hand movement from side to side. After it waved, it turned and continued on its path.

Once it passed, his entire body went from rigid to loose and he let out a long exhale. Although he was incredibly relieved, he was also incredibly confused: where had it come from? Why had it ignored him? Where was it going? What did the wave mean? Could he have imagined the entire experience? PTSD was common, especially in times like these. The entire thing could have been created by his overtaxed mind. It made more sense than the possibility of a non-hostile Reaper.

He grabbed his lunch bag in a tight fist and stood. For his own sanity, he was taking the rest of the day off.


	5. Full Circle

A/N: Thank you for your patience and I apologize that this chapter took so long! I've been getting into Dragon Age 2 for the first time and it's occupying my mind/spare time. A big thank you to everyone who has read my work, and as always, thanks to missmeggo for being an amazing beta!

"Cross your fingers, Sam, this should do the trick."

"Thank God, I think my back is about to cramp up."

Liara closed her eyes and sent a brief prayer to the Goddess that re-routing the nav system to bypass the CIC would work, since the entire wiring system for the CIC was fried.

It had been over a week filled with little beyond trial and error work, limited (and tasteless) rations, and restless nights filled with evocative dreams. Liara woke every morning bathed in a lather of sweat, but no power also meant no running water. She had only been able to bathe once, three days ago, in a creek found by Tali and EDI. Each dream seemed to widen the proverbial hole which had opened in her heart with the loss of Shepard.

Traynor, who was currently lying on her back beneath Joker's console, grumbled in an irritated voice, "Still waiting here, Liara."

"Sorry." She flicked the switch, and gave a gasp of relief when, piece by piece, the nav system came back on. "By the Goddess! Sam, you genius, we did it!"

Samantha pulled herself up from lying down and engulfed Liara in a hug. She swung herself into Joker's seat and input a command to pull up their current location. Sam rested her hands on the back of the chair, peering over Liara's shoulder.

"This can't be right," Liara muttered, gazing at the screen with her mouth wide. She re-input the command, but the same result was returned to her. "This really can't be right."

"What is it?"

"We're in the Exodus Cluster, Utopia System."

"What planet?"

Liara spun to face Sam. "Eden Prime."

Sam threw her head back and laughed heartily at the ceiling. "You're joking."

"I'm not. We're on Eden Prime. The other side of the planet from the old colony, mind you, but Eden Prime nonetheless."

"It's funny how things work out. I'll see how far it is to the nearest mass relay; do you want to tell Kaidan the news?"

"Gladly."

Liara gave the chair up to Sam and made her way outside to where Javik, James, and Kaidan were using scrap metal that Tali and EDI had procured to patch up a series of small holes underneath the ship.

So far Kaidan had done an excellent job of coordinating the repair efforts, but she still missed Shepard with her whole heart. That man had given her a better life and made her a stronger person, and she felt unfulfilled and lost without his now familiar presence.

When she first met him, it was instant infatuation. He was handsome, with his dark hair, bright eyes, and strong jaw line. He exuded a determination and confidence she found in few others. She couldn't resist his charms and the way he would lean casually on any object in the vicinity, flash a crooked smile at her, and wink. He had that way of making you feel like you were the only person in the room, and he had her wrapped around his finger. They joined the night before Eden Prime, and it had been the most beautiful moment of her life.

When he died over Alchera, she was crushed; when Cerberus offered the chance to bring him back to life, it only made sense to hand him over to them. But after the pain of his loss, she made a vow to herself that she would never again be so naive to give herself entirely to a person, to forget who she was and what she stood for. She was her own woman, with a mind bright enough to secure a promising future, and she wouldn't take that for granted.

As promised by Cerberus, Shepard came back alive. A little bitter, broken, and scarred, but alive nonetheless. The way that he looked at her had changed; the confident swagger had diminished, replaced by a battle-hardened weariness. Death had changed him and his goals. It had also changed the way he looked at Tali. The young quarian on her Pilgrimage had matured to a strong woman, commanding her own subordinates and carrying out her own missions.

Together the three of them had taken down the Shadow Broker, and she had been eager for an opportunity for some insight into his mind set after death. She missed the comfort he had offered her, but the young and infatuated youth had been replaced by a strong and determined woman, shaped by the loss of the man she cared for so deeply. So when he offered the branch of friendship, she accepted it gratefully.

Thanks to Shepard, her life had developed a future beyond hunting through the past. She thrived as the Shadow Broker, jumping out of bed each morning with an eagerness to succeed and do good for the galaxy.

Now he was gone, and her network was gone, and her only goal was getting this Goddess-forsaken ship in the air so she could determine where to go from here. She didn't know what path the future held, but she knew she had to take a path where she could help those who had been devastated by the Reapers.

"Liara," Kaidan greeted upon her approach.

"Kaidan, I have news."

"Good news, I hope?"

"Great news, actually. The nav systems are up. We're on Eden Prime."

The wrench in Kaidan's hand dropped to the ground with a dull thud before he burst into a laugh more hearty and rich than Liara had heard from him since before the Reapers. "So the universe brings everything full circle."

* * *

Coats stood in a parade stance on the bridge, his grey eyes narrowed, his right hand gripped too tightly around his left.

Only ten minutes away from a relay visual. And a good chance he was fifteen minutes away from the end of his life.

He was a man who too easily buried himself in regrets. Regrets that he spent too much time with the Alliance, that he didn't tell his family that he loved them enough, that on more than a few occasions he had succumbed to the siren's song of alcohol and cigarettes. Now was a time to stow away the regrets and stand proud knowing the difference he was about to make for the galaxy.

Loud footfalls notified him of Zaeed's entry. The aging mercenary fell in step beside him, crossing his arms and wearing his too-familiar scowl. Their eyes met in sideways glances, grey on bright blue, before they simultaneously watched the stars pass as they neared the relay.

Although this trip was brief - four hours to the relay at FTL speed - Zaeed had proven to be a valuable accomplice. Knowing that he had served under Shepard meant that the realization wasn't a surprise, but his mercenary reputation had preceded him. He still couldn't ascertain why Hackett ensured that Massani had joined him on the trip, but subordination meant complacency and he had no reason to complain.

"Two minutes out," the co-pilot announced, her voice wavering in fear.

"Remember everyone, now is a time to be brave." Beside Coats, Zaeed shifted his weight to his other foot. "Whatever we see at that relay, the galaxy needs to see it, too. Be brave in the face of adversity and we _will_ ensure that humanity will find a way to take down these bastards, once and for all."

"Let's all be bloody heroes," Zaeed growled. His calm in the face of the raging storm was almost unnerving; not once did he betray any emotion other than appearing slightly pissed off. A man who had seen as much as him had little to fear.

Coats was afraid; not of death, but of failure. Whether they lived or died, as long as they succeeded, they were heroes. That mattered to him a hell of a lot more than the need to make it back to the wreck that once was Earth.

Coats opened up a comm channel to Earth. "Admiral Hackett, this is Rear Admiral Coats. Do you read me?"

"Loud and clear, Rear Admiral."

"Opening up the live feed now."

He heard the copilot's swallow over the loudspeaker. "Stealth systems engaged. Now departing FTL speed."

Coats squeezed his hands together and closed his eyes. When he reopened them, all that was before him were Sovereign-class Reapers.

"Bloody hell," Zaeed muttered. Coats nodded in agreement, unable to form words.

Coats had faced hundreds of Reaper ground troops and even several Destroyers on the ground before. But nothing came close to the might of the Capital Ships. Between their two kilometer length and laser that could cut through an Alliance dreadnought like butter, they were an enemy of nightmare proportions.

"Have they spotted us yet?" he asked the pilot.

"No, sir. But..." The pilot's quavering fingers flew over his interface. "Wait. We're coming up on their radar. Assume defensive position!"

The ship burst into life. Crew members bustled across the ship, shields were put up, and weapons were prepared. Crewmen cried out to each other, fear evident in their wide eyes and shaking voices.

Zaeed was the only person on the ship who appeared distinctly unperturbed by the Reaper presence. With slow steps and ponderous eyes he approached the viewing window. "Wait a goddamn second." He spun on his heel to face Coats. "I know Reapers, and I know that if we're already on their radar, we should be fried by now."

Coats's brow set into a deep furrow. "Could Hackett be right? Did Shepard disable them, or even turn them on our side?"

"Pilot!" Zaeed snapped. "Take us in for a closer look."

"Are you mad, sir? They'll destroy us!"

"If they wanted to destroy us they would have done it by now. Do it, pilot!"

The pilot spun to face Coats, trepidation clear on his face. Coats sent him an affirming nod, and with unsteady hands the pilot sent them closer to the enemy.

Even as they approached, the Reapers stayed stationary.

"Look at this." Zaeed pointed to a Reaper situated near the mass effect core in the relay. "Watch its arms. The bloody Reapers are repairing the relay."

"My God," Coats whispered, leaning as close to the viewing window as possible. "Hackett, are you seeing this?"

The Admiral's voice crackled through the comm. "We see everything, Rear Admiral. I can't say what the Reapers' current motivation is, but consider them non-hostile."

Coats felt a sudden rush of emotion so strong that his throat closed up and his eyes welled up. "Non-hostile Reapers," he whispered, "I never thought I would see the day." He turned to face Zaeed; even the tough mercenary was rendered speechless.

"Come on home, boys," declared Hackett. "Today, you're heroes."

* * *

_Shepard had searched for silence, but now that he had it he wished for noise. Any distraction would be welcome to provide him a brief respite from his thoughts which quickly spiraled out of control._

_The amber liquid in his highball glass called his name. It promised forgetfulness, lucidity, a dreamless sleep. He took a long sip, cringing as it burned his throat; the cheap shit tasted like gasoline. But it didn't help; the faces of Ashley and Wrex were still ingrained into his mind, the two lives he had made the call to end today._

_He hadn't gone into the cargo hold yet. He didn't have the guts to exit the elevator and no longer be greeted by Ashley's dutiful salute or Wrex's guttural grumble of 'Shepard'. He wasn't ready to go through their lockers and return to their families their meager possessions, along with the letters he had to craft citing their illustrious deeds._

_Stars spotted across his vision when he pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. When he reopened them, the darkness of the mess hall was broken by two white lights: the eyes of Tali, analyzing him through her mask._

_"Shepard." She spoke in a low voice, her tone speaking volumes. She was normally bright and cheery, even in the face of desolation. Today, however, it was clear she had succumbed to the despair accompanied with two losses._

_"Hey Tali." His voice was scratchy and rough from the liquor burning his throat._

_She hovered, lost, before grabbing an identical highball glass and a glass of dextro liquor (Garrus's, perhaps? Shepard had never seen her drink). She swung into the seat across from him and poured two fingers with trembling hands. Shepard topped up his own and held up his glass. Their eyes met as their glasses clinked and they both finished their drinks, Tali shaking and turning her head away in disgust._

_"Why did you do it?" Tali asked._

_His stomach dropped to his feet, and all potential responses to her question fled from his mind._

_"I understand you had to make a choice between Kaidan and Ashley. It wasn't easy, I know. But Wrex…" Her eyes lifted to search for his, but she found them trained on his glass. "You could have tried to talk him out of it. Keelah, I've seen you talk a crazed biotic out of killing a politician, why couldn't you talk a friend out of killing you?"_

_Through gritted teeth, he grumbled, "I tried to talk to him. He had a shotgun aimed at me; I was a little low on options."_

_"Wrex was my friend. He would have listened to reason, I know he would have."_

_His eyes flew up to look straight through her. "The moment he aimed his gun at me, all trust between us was lost. Even if I had talked him out of it, I could have never gone on another mission with him without watching my back. I would have been risking all of your lives having an untrustworthy crew member on the ship where you sleep every night."_

_He saw her eyes shake as they filled with tears. "I still trusted him. He always watched my back in the field. I also know he always watched yours."_

_A switch went off in Shepard's head. He had beat himself up about the decision, why did he have to justify himself to Tali too? "I'm the commander," he snapped, "And it was my decision. I'm the one who has to live with it, not you!"_

_Tears flowed freely down Tali's face. "You're right. I have no reason to question you."_

_The switch suddenly flipped the other way, and Shepard was overburdened with grief. Denial wouldn't make her any less right. "I'm sorry." His head fell forward into his hands and he felt the unfamiliar sting of tears in the corners of his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I killed two of your friends today, and I could have saved at least one of them. I'm so fucking sorry."_

_She stood from her seat and approached him to crouch beside him. Her hand rested on his shoulder, and she felt his body shudder underneath her touch. "I'm sorry to Wrex and Ashley for sacrificing them for this war, and I'm sorry to Garrus, Kaidan, Liara, and you. I let you all down." He began to weep in earnest, in a way he hadn't wept in years, his eyes and throat burning as the tears cascaded down his face and he gasped for breath._

_Without warning Tali grasped him around the shoulders and pulled him in for a tight hug. Together, they shared their grief._

_"I miss them," Tali said thickly._

_"I miss them too."_

* * *

It had been two and a half weeks since the _Normandy _crash landed on Eden Prime, and so far they had only been able to get their nav systems up. Things were starting to look dire as their supply cache dwindled. As a result, Kaidan had sent Tali and EDI on a two-day scouting trip to an old outpost forty miles from the ship.

Tali was very grateful to Kaidan for two reasons. The first, for giving her a mission where she spent long periods of time away from the ship and the memories of Shepard. The second, for sending EDI as her companion since the AI was comfortable with long stretches of silence.

She did her best to avoid any reminder of Shepard, hoping that it would repel the dreams, but they still appeared faithfully every night. Every morning she would wake exhausted, bathed in sweat and tears, until her suit evacuated the excess moisture. She never wanted to forget Shepard, but the dreams felt like a promise dangling just outside of her grasp.

"Praise the Enkindlers!"

Tali nearly jumped out of her suit at EDI's unexpected proclamation. "You worship Javik?" she asked skeptically.

"With our current assignment, my processors have an unusually large amount of idle runtime. In order to better understand organics, I am using that idle processing power to research the primary religions of each sentient organic species." EDI laced her fingers behind her back, her gaze reaching up to the blue skies. "I will then choose the religion I find most suitable for my own beliefs."

"Not all organics are religious."

EDI smiled at Tali faintly. "No, they are not. But they do all have beliefs, whether in a God or a lack thereof. A belief in a God can assist in providing moral guidance, and-"

EDI stopped suddenly, and held her hand out in front of Tali to stop her as well.

"Oh my God," EDI whispered, at the same time that Tali hissed, "Keelah."

Tali's legs grew weak and her heart pounded in her throat. She grasped EDI to keep herself from collapsing as the implications of what she saw hit her like a bullet train.

A Reaper Destroyer was a mile away, moving across the surface of the planet in slow strides, its red optical sensor scanning the area in wide, sweeping gestures.

Like relentless waves, she realized the consequences: the Reapers were still alive. Shepard had failed. All their efforts had been for nothing. Shepard had died for nothing.

She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around herself, collapsing in a weak and weeping ball. But before she allowed herself to succumb to that, the rest of the crew deserved to know of their fate, if they could escape without the Reaper finding them.

Tali took two tentative steps back, her eyes locked on the machine that would bring down organics. "We need to go back to the ship. Tell Kaidan what we saw."

"Wait. I am performing a scan."

Tali retreated two steps further. "Why? We're dead as soon as it sees us."

EDI blinked rapidly as her scan completed. "It does see us. It is identifying us as friendly."

Tali seethed at EDI's matter-of-fact tone, and the AI's assurances did not placate her. "EDI, I don't care if it serves us dinner, I don't trust a Reaper. Now, please, can we leave?"

The Destroyer did a quarter turn so it was facing them, head on, its optical sensor shining bright red as it locked in on the pair.

"Oh, Keelah..."

A flat wave of red light scanned over their exact position, and Tali waited for the red horn that would signal that the end of her life had come.

At least she would be reunited with Shepard.

She closed her eyes and winced, waiting for the flash of light before the end. She would rejoin her father, her mother, and the countless citizens in the flotilla that had given their lives during the war. She would again see her old friends Ashley and Wrex... she even looked forward to seeing Legion again, that bosh'tet.

But the flash of light never came; the Ancestors did not take her. When she slowly opened her eyes, the Reaper had begun to head in the opposite direction.

"I believe now would be an appropriate time to report our findings to Kaidan."

"What a tactful way to say 'I told you so'."


	6. A Violation

_Steve sat alone at Eternity, his third beer bottle down to the flat dregs. Humanity had reached the pinnacle of desperation as a species, yet they still wasted so much of their credits and time on a few hours of forgetfulness provided by alcohol._

_For years, he only considered himself a social drinker - what was the joy in drinking until you vomit? - but with Robert's loss, he began to take pleasure in allowing things to grow a little fuzzy, a little numb._

_"This seat taken?"_

_The sound of his Commander's voice brought a smile to his face. "Please, join me."_

_Shepard nodded at Cortez's beer. "I've never heard of that brand before. What's it like?"_

_"Franziskaner Hefe Weiss." He attempted - and failed - to properly pronounce the German. "Only the best wheat beer coming out of Earth."_

_Shepard waved to the turian bartender, gesturing for two beers. He paid for it before Steve could blink. "You sound like quite the beer connoisseur."_

_"Snob... connoisseur... same thing." Steve chuckled lightly. "On our shore leaves, Robert and I would try out all the microbreweries in the area, searching for the best beer in the galaxy. We never had time to find the perfect one, but this is about as close as it gets."_

_A fresh bottle was placed before him, and he and Shepard clinked the necks of their bottles together. Shepard took a long drink, finishing almost half the bottle, before slamming it down on the bar with a satisfied smack of his lips. "I have to say, you have pretty damn good taste. I feel privileged to benefit from your studies."_

_Steve sighed, staring through his bottle. "Robert was always the one with the good taste buds. He was a damn fine cook."_

_Shepard raised a brow as he took another long drink. "He was usually the cook at home? That explains your terrible grilled cheese."_

_"You try making magic with soy cheese and flash frozen bread!" The men laughed together. "But yes, he always was better in the kitchen. Or give the man a barbeque and he would blow the socks right off of you."_

_"How about an open flame?" Shepard asked with a smirk._

_Steve jabbed the neck of his bottle in Shepard's direction. "You jibe, but give him a lighter, wood, and a cast iron pan, and he could make restaurant quality steak."_

_"In this day and age, he cooked with caveman tools?"_

_"We used to camp, when we could." Steve was grateful for his previous drinks; the haze kept his emotions at bay, preventing him from becoming tearful in front of the Commander again. "I've always appreciated connecting with nature, going back to our roots before technology began to rule our lives. So we'd take the bare bones essentials - a tent, a couple of flashlights, lighters, food, and cooking utensils - and canoe out to an uninhabited island. We'd fish for our dinner and build our fires with wood we found. Some of my fondest__memories were of us roasting marshmallows over the fire, the night sky so clear you could almost see the Citadel." Steve chuckled to himself, but his longing for a normal life, and Robert, was evident._

_Shepard's demeanor changed from joking to consoling. "Steve, no matter how hard I try, I can't bring back Robert, and I can't make things go back to the way that they were before the Reapers." He gripped Steve's shoulder, using the leverage to push himself up into a standing position. "But one day, I promise, you'll have an Earth to go back to, with uninhabited islands where you can roast marshmallows under the stars."_

_Steve's lips turned up into a smile. "If anyone can get it done, Shepard, it's you."_

* * *

Steve's hands trembled as he stared intensely at the comm's ECU in his hands, willing it to fix itself.

Their situation was about to degrade to desperation. He had to fix this ECU today or tomorrow, or they had no hope of sending a distress signal in time before they all starved.

For such a lush planet, its food offerings were surprisingly bare. The greenery would have fed a herd of cows, but could do nothing for humans. The beautiful red berries were highly poisonous and the wildlife proved impossible to catch. They needed nothing short of a miracle to survive.

What would they do, when the food ran out? Die by the end of a gun so they didn't have to succumb to starvation? Revert to hunters, forced to fend for themselves off barren rations?

If he didn't need to fix the ECU so badly, he was tempted to throw it across the room.

Loud footfalls behind him broke the silence; someone was running towards him. "Cortez!" It was Garrus. "Come outside, quickly!"

Although he was no expert on turian subvocals like Shepard, there was a clear note to Garrus's voice that Steve hadn't heard in months: excitement. He rested the ECU on his workbench and jogged out of the ship.

* * *

The crew was gathered in a semicircle around Kaidan, who had a large wooden crate at his feet and a pry bar in his hand. Steve faintly smelled... food?

"Everyone here?" Kaidan asked, scanning the crowd. "Good. Well everyone, looks like someone has been looking out for us. When James, Javik and I were on our way out the door to start repairs, we found this crate. EDI performed a scan on its contents, and I think that our troubles are about to come to an end."

Using the pry bar, he lifted the lid of the crate. The crew pushed forward to get a better look, and each of them gasped in turn as Kaidan lifted the contents and laid them on the ground.

"Real, genuine foodstuffs," he said, "Both dextro and levo. Hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken, steak, fresh vegetables, apples, strawberries-" he heard Traynor give a cry of excitement, "bread, cheese, marshmallows..." The list went on and on. Once they had gotten through the layer of food, even more gifts were buried beneath. "Communications ECU for you, Cortez," Kaidan said with a smile. Tears of happiness filled his eyes as he continued, "And a power coupling."

Everyone began to cheer, exchanging hugs and high fives.

They were _saved._

"Grab some wood everyone, let's have a bonfire and get this food cooking. Then we'll start the work to get this ship in the air!"

* * *

"This whole thing is a bit odd, isn't it?" Traynor asked Cortez while bending down to pick up a piece of wood.

Steve knew the whole situation was bizarre, but he wanted to hear Sam's input. She had proven to be extremely perceptive when necessary. "I agree. What do you think about it?"

He followed her through the dense thicket while she spoke, picking up fallen kindling and firewood on the way. "Let's review the situation," she began. "Just short of three weeks ago, we crash landed here. Every single one of our systems was destroyed by whatever it is that Shepard did while he was in the Crucible. The Kodiak crash landed on Earth so we had no local transport, and with the engine down, so are our comms, our nav, our power, and our life support. We're damn lucky that this planet has suitable oxygen levels or we'd all be dead already." She paused as her brow furrowed. "And then at the peak of our desperation, Tali and EDI spot a non-hostile Reaper. Two days later, every supply we need just shows up at our door." Sam let out a short sigh. "I understand that everything has been scanned extensively and they found nothing, but something doesn't quite add up. What if this is just a Reaper trick? What if everyone who scanned it is indoctrinated and we just don't know it? Even if it isn't a trick, how did whoever delivered it know exactly what we needed?"

"There's something else I also noticed," Steve commented. "Whoever it was knew us well. They delivered a comm ECU, which I needed, and something even more strange. Why, of all food objects, would they include marshmallows? They're not nutritious, they're costly, and you can only find them on Earth."

"And why would they deliver strawberries, which are even more uncommon and expensive?" Sam mused.

Steve stopped, shifting the wood in his arms to one hand. "I have a bit of a... theory." He gestured at the space between them. "Can you keep it between us, at least for the moment?"

"Of course."

"Do you remember that shore leave after Rannoch?"

"You mean the one where Joker finally caved in and danced with EDI?"

Steve chuckled. "Yes, that one. Well I was having a drink at Eternity, and Shepard joined me for a beer. I told him some old stories about Robert and I; one of them was about how we used to camp and roast marshmallows together. The strange part is I never spoke of our camping trips to anyone on the Normandy except for Shepard." He saw Sam's eyes narrow. "What's even stranger is that last night I had a dream... it felt like I was awake it was so real, and it was a perfect recall of the time that I told him that story."

As he spoke, Sam's eyes went from narrow to very wide. "Based on your reaction, these dreams aren't exclusive to me?"

"No, they're not," she said softly. Realizing that they had been standing still instead of working, she began to move again. "I had a similar dream a few nights ago, from Shepard's party on the Citadel. We spoke about getting takeout food, which became a conversation about our favourite foods. I told him that I would take fresh fruit over almost everything, especially strawberries."

There was a long pause while both Samantha and Steve pondered over the evidence laid out before them. Cortez broke the silence and said, "Do you get the feeling that Shepard is somehow trying to communicate to us?"

"How?" She replied, slightly harshly. "We don't know if he's dead, but based on the evidence we're assuming he is. It sounds like you're suggesting he's a ghost, communicating to us from the afterlife. The dreams could just be manifestations of our feelings over the loss of Shepard."

"You can't deny how strange it is that the dreams directly correlate to the package that we received today."

She sighed. "Everything is strange with us, Steve."

"And I can't figure out how the Reapers fit into it all," he continued. "Three weeks ago, they were trying to obliterate all organics. Yesterday, they identify us as non-hostile. How does it all fit in? What did Shepard _do _with the Crucible?"

Sam froze as she was gripped with the strangest sensation. A sentence entered her mind abruptly, so clear that it couldn't have been a figment of her imagination but so out of place that it couldn't have been conducted by her mind. The intrusive voice was clearly Shepard's, and he said:

_We can control the Reapers._

For a flash that lasted an instant, she was blinded by blue light. Her ears rang so badly that she couldn't hear the leaves rustling as she fell to her knees, or the sound of the wood falling out of her arms piece by piece like falling raindrops, or Steve's concerned cries.

"Samantha? Sam! Sam!"

She blinked rapidly as the blue flash disappeared from her vision and the ringing dissipated from her ears.

"Sam, you scared the crap out of me, are you alright?"

She nodded, slowly at first but increasing in speed. "Yes, I'm fine." Her eyes met Steve's. "You're right. Shepard is trying to communicate with us. And I think he's doing it through the Reapers."

* * *

"Yo Esteban, you and Sam get lost or something? It's been - shit! Sam! You look like you've seen a ghost!"

The comm specialist was unusually pale as she took slow and calculated steps towards the rest of the crew, who had begun to prepare the food and start the fire.

"I'm alright," she insisted with a faint smile.

James gave Cortez a quizzical look, which he responded to with an encouraging smile. "She is alright," he said, "but we need to have a little meeting during lunch."

"I'll tell Kaidan." James took the pile of wood out of Samantha's arms. "You take a seat and get some water in you. Shit, you're pale, I'm gonna get Chakwas too."

As James jogged off in the direction of the ship, Cortez gently guided Traynor to a seat beside the fire. He brought her a water bottle, which she drank greedily.

Chakwas came out of the ship at a slow jog, medical bag in hand, closely followed by Kaidan and James.

"How are you feeling?" The doctor asked, crouching beside Samantha.

"A bit dizzy," she admitted, gingerly touching her forehead with unsteady fingertips.

Kaidan crouched on her other side, holding her wrist to check her pulse. In hushed tones, he asked, "What happened?"

Glancing at Steve, she said, "I think this should be told to the whole crew."

Kaidan nodded in affirmation. He was grateful for the sound of the fire crackling behind him, for it meant that food would be starting soon and Sam looked ashen enough to cause concern. "James, can you make sure everyone is outside? Steve, can you and Garrus get a start on that food?" The three men nodded before turning to commence their assigned tasks.

Doctor Chakwas, meanwhile, was checking Sam's blood pressure and temperature with her omni-tool. "Thankfully everything is normal, but a B12 shot would do you some good. You gave us quite the scare, Samantha."

"Why don't you go to the med bay with the Doctor, Sam?"

"Thank you, I will."

Kaidan stood to watch the women enter the _Normandy_, his arms crossing his broad chest.

Something felt odd about the situation, and he awaited her tale with nervous anticipation.

* * *

"Esteban, pass me one of those dogs!"

Steve chuckled and threw the pack into James' waiting hand. The bonfire seemed to rejuvenate the entire crew - they were chatting contentedly amongst each other about light topics, briefly putting aside thoughts of their lost Commander in lieu of discussions of the future.

The mood shifted as bellies filled and heads became heavy with a need for sleep, but there was too much ahead of them to yet succumb to rest.

"Thank God for whoever brought us all this food," Ensign Copeland commented. "We'd surely be close to starving otherwise."

The rest of the crew became silent, and he watched Sam shift uncomfortably at her queue to speak. "I think I know who gave us the crate," she said shyly.

"Who?" Gabby asked.

"Shepard."

Many sets of inquiring eyes and furrowed brows found the comm specialist. Tali, on the other hand, looked away uncomfortably.

"He's alive?" Private Westmoreland whispered.

Sam sighed. "No."

"Then how..."

Sam's eyes found Steve. "I have a theory. It may sound outlandish, but I know Steve will agree with me."

The inquiring eyes and furrowed brows were suddenly locked on him. "It started with the dreams," he began. "Sam and I discovered today that we've both been having them - lifelike memories of significant experiences with Shepard." His eyes darted across each face, shadows of their appearances drawn out by the fire. In spite of the differences in species, their expression was shared: familiarity.

"I take it from everyone's expressions that we're not the only ones with these dreams."

While staring at her hands, Liara said, "I have experienced them."

"Me too," James said, his tone unusually solemn.

"Yeah," was all Joker said.

"And I thought I was going crazy," Garrus commented.

"I blamed it on PTSD," Kaidan interjected.

"Protheans do not dream, our subconscious is too occupied to conjure falsifications." Javik's declaration received a blatant eye roll from James. "But I have felt a disturbance in the ship."

"Tali? What about you?" Kaidan asked gingerly. The quarian was so lost she could not answer; she couldn't even bring herself to her usual nervous habit of wringing her hands. It was a relief that others had been experiencing similar nighttime disturbances - upon closer inspection, she now noticed their bloodshot eyes and the dark lines beneath them. But a small, selfish part of her had looked forward to the nightly visits. In spite of the sleep they stole from her, and the longing left in their wake, they kept her connected to Shepard. She had even begun to attribute them to an unheard of method of communication between the two of them. Knowing that the entire crew also had them felt like a violation.

Recognizing her hesitation, Kaidan smoothly changed subjects. "So what's the theory, Sam? And what does it have to do with you feeling unwell?"

"I believe that Shepard is trying to communicate with us through the Reapers."

Kaidan blanched, muttering an incredulous, "What?"

"It's only a theory," Sam defended, holding her palms up. "Steve and I were discussing our dreams and the significance of them. Last night, we both dreamt of private discussions with Shepard regarding food that arrived in that crate." She pointed an accusing finger at the object. "We agreed that fact alone was too unusual to be overlooked. But when we were hypothesizing, Shepard..." She paused, unsure how to explain the phenomenon. "I heard his voice in my head. It was so overwhelming it blocked every other thought out of my mind. He said 'we can control the Reapers'. It was so powerful it left me weak and dizzy."

Garrus's mandibles flickered weakly as he pondered what Sam had to say. "So you're saying that Shepard used the Crucible to gain control of the Reapers, and he's using their indoctrination capabilities to send us messages through these dream-memories? And he used his Reapers to scout us out and find what we need so he can send us the necessary supplies?"

"You make my theory sound absolutely mad."

"But it's not. I remember The Illusive Man telling Shepard, long ago, that he believed that he could control the Reapers and that would be our salvation. Spirits, I never thought I'd say this, but maybe The Illusive Man was right. Or at least, Shepard thought he was."

"This is all theory, of course," Liara intercepted. "It is all unusual, supernatural almost. How can we know anything for certain?"

"We have to go back to Earth," Kaidan answered. "It's the only way we can see for ourselves."

As the conversation diminished so did the fire, as the _Normandy _crew considered the fate of their dear Commander.


	7. Harvest Moon

A/N: Thank you to everyone who's been continually reading this work, your support is always greatly appreciated! Thanks also goes out to MissMeggo for being a great beta reader. Just a warning that this chapter has content that some readers may find disturbing.

Credit goes to Neil Young for the lyrics used.

_"Have I told you that you look absolutely stunning tonight?"_

_Warm hands wrapped around her hips and his chin rested on her shoulder. His body heat warmed her back through the__suit. The odour of alcohol accompanied his words but she didn't mind; she already had a few herself. _

_"Maybe," she purred, "But I never get tired of hearing it."_

_He nuzzled his chin into her shoulder, eyes closed as he breathed her in. This woman, this marvel, who had been a symbol of courage, dedication, and hope, was entirely his. To say he was lucky would be a heinous understatement. He wanted to remind her just how amazing she was. There was always the possibility he wouldn't get the chance again; the future was just too uncertain._

_"Tali'Zorah vas Normandy," he began, his words slightly slurred, "You are the most beautiful woman not only in this room, but in the universe. You are incredibly intelligent and innovative; the _Normandy _would barely be running without you. You are brave, willing to put yourself in the face of danger to save your crew or your people. You're open-minded and accepting, loving those who care about you regardless of where they're from."_

_She giggled. "Shepard, you're making me blush."_

_"I'm not done yet! You have a wonderful sense of humour, making me laugh when I need it the most. You care so much about your friends, your family... me. They call me a hero, but I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without you, so you're the true hero. And you're damn good to look at, too."_

_She spun to face him, resting her hands on his cheeks. "I don't deserve you," she whispered._

_"It's you that I don't deserve."_

_Although she wanted to argue, when she gazed into the depths of his eyes she could see only love and admiration, and because of that she knew he wasn't exaggerating._

_"I have something to show you upstairs." He smirked and cocked his brow._

_"Shouldn't we save that for later?" she cooed._

_"Tali!" He appeared mockingly abashed. "I'm good for more than sex, you know."_

_She smirked. "I'm not sure..." _

_"Just come with me!" He grabbed her hand, not roughly, and led her through their familiar crew - winking quickly at an ensnared James - before heading up the stairs, appearing slightly unsteady. They entered his room and with a quick swipe of his omni-tool the door shut behind them, drowning out the loud dance music._

_Attempting her most sultry tone, she asked, "So what do you need to show me?"_

_He held his forefinger up to request patience and fumbled with the stereo. He spun to smile at her expectantly as warm guitar tones filled the room. Arms at her sides, she waited as Shepard took hesitant steps towards her._

_She was surprised when he began to sing. "Come a little bit closer, hear what I have to say." He was slightly off-key, but his singing voice warmed her heart. His right hand found her waist and his left found her hand. He pulled her in close, resting his head atop her helmet so she could feel his throat rumble as he continued to sing to her. "Just like children sleepin, we could dream this night away."_

_She couldn't help it; a girlish giggle escaped her lips. She pulled him in tighter to show that it was a laugh of gratitude instead of mockery._

_"But there's a full moon risin, let's go dancing in the light."_

_"Shepard," she asked gently, her curiosity overriding her politeness. "Is this what you wanted to show me?"_

_"You know both my parents died when I was young?"_

_She started; this was a topic she had previously interpreted as forbidden. "Yes."_

_"I have one happy memory left of them. It was their wedding anniversary, and they were so broke that all they could afford was to cook dinner at home. After dinner, my dad put this song on our old stereo and began to dance with my mom... just like this." The last words were whispered, remnants of a time in his life that was never forgotten but always hidden away. _

_She was touched that within the vault of his memories, he had opened one of the oldest doors to her. The significance of something as simple as a song was revealed to her, and she would forever treasure this moment. _

I don't want to leave you, Tali, _Shepard thought to himself. _I don't want to leave you like he left her. But do I have a choice?

Do I have a choice?

Do I have

Do I

* * *

_"I don't understand, Frankie."_

_"Don't understand what, little duck?"_

_"What happened to that guy from the Fives?"_

_"Which part?"_

_The young boy's brow furrowed as he attempted to articulate his confusion. "Well... Zakk told me he's a bad guy, 'cause he's in the Fives and all Fives are bad. But then the guy was real bad, since he came onto our terrirory."_

_"Territory, duck."_

_The little boy was cautious to properly enunciate his words after that; he didn't want to appear young and stupid. "Yeah, that. So the real bad guy came onto our territory, and Zakk had to use his biotics to throw him out of our territory. But after Zakk threw him, the real bad guy didn't get up. And then Zakk and Kelly put him in a bag and carried him away. Where did they take him?"_

_Frankie crouched down to the little boy's level, his knees creaking in protest. The humidity was unusually high today and it always made his joints ache; it also produced small beads of sweat on the boy's forehead. "Did your parents ever teach you about life and death?" The boy shook his head, his dark hair whipping across his face before sticking to his forehead. Frankie let out a deep sigh._

_"Life lessons aren't my forte, duck."_

_"What's a four tay?"_

_Frankie ruffled his hair; to the uneducated observer, it would have appeared to be an affectionate gesture. "Come for a walk with me."_

_"We're already on a walk."_

_"We're taking a detour before we get to the warehouse."_

_"OK!"_

_The young boy followed Frankie, humming an indistinct tune as he skipped. The man grabbed the boy's hand to pull him into a dark alley, weaving between dumpsters. The place reeked of stale piss and cheap alcohol, so the little boy held his breath. The man pulled a key ring from his pocket (the little boy had never seen one before, since all standard locks had become electronic in 2122) and approached a broad iron door. He wrestled the key into the lock and opened the door with a sharp push from his shoulder._

_The opening door allowed a slice of light into the otherwise pitch black room; the little boy jumped when the door slammed shut behind them. He and the man were plunged into absolute darkness. Frankie let out a curse and began to feel along the walls for a switch, and relief washed over the boy when a single bulb illuminated the room in dull yellow light._

_The area was larger than he originally anticipated, more like a warehouse than an apartment, and its only inhabitant was a lone man. He was seated on a metal chair with zip ties around his hands and feet and a cloth wrapped around his mouth. He was filthy, covered in sweat and dirt head-to-toe, and he appeared emaciated, his cheekbones prominent and his flesh pale. Even from across the room, judging by the stench emanating from him he had to have soiled himself many times. _

_"Jackson," Frankie purred, in a mockery of comfort, "I've brought a visitor to see you. Say hello, little duck."_

_The man's cry was muffled by the cloth in his mouth. He made a weak attempt to rock his chair back-and-forth, but starvation made him weak and he quickly gave up. "Hullo," the little boy muttered._

_"Jackson was a very bad man, little duck. He joined the Reds like a good man, but then he told the Fives lots of secrets about the Reds. That makes him worse than the bad man from yesterday, because he's what we call a snitch." Although the little boy had known Frankie for almost a year now, he had never heard his voice take on such a tone; the man was clearly enjoying every aspect of this, and it sent a shiver down the boy's spine. _

_The prisoner began to squirm uncomfortably, moaning in fear against his cloth. Frankie pulled his pistol out from his belt - the little boy hadn't even noticed that he had equipped it - and approached the prisoner, resting it on his knee. His tone remained conversational as he spoke to the prisoner, watching the man although his words were meant for the boy. "So here's your lesson today, duck. The Reds are going to rule this city one day. I will be the leader and you will be my right hand man. But in order to rule this city, we need to rid it of all the really bad men and the snitches like Jackson. Otherwise, the really bad men will want to hurt us." The trembling prisoner wet himself. He closed his eyes and tears began to carve lines in his dirty cheeks. "And we don't want that, do we duck? Listen to me, duck. Right now, you're breathing, your heart is beating, and you're thinking. You're alive. But if you want to stay that way, sometimes that means another person has to die." He began to push the barrel of the pistol further into the prisoner's knee until he threw his head back in pain. "When you die, your lungs stop breathing, your heart stops beating, your brain stops thinking. You stop existing. You don't want that, do you duck?"_

_"No," the little boy said, his voice barely above a whisper._

_"Good. If you want to live, this man has to die. Otherwise, the Fives will find us and kill us. Do you understand?"_

_The boy's hands began to shake and the blood drained from his face. "Y-yes."_

_"Good. You are such a smart boy. Your mother would have been very proud." He lifted the barrel from the prisoner's knee and approached the boy. When he kneeled beside him, his knees cracked like gunshots and the prisoner cried out, jumping in his bindings. The prisoner began to mouth a prayer._

_"Hold this, duck." Frankie wrapped the boy's small hands around the pistol. "See this, where your first finger is? That's the trigger. Only use this if you're pointing it at someone you want dead, got it?" The boy gave him a slack-jawed nod. "This is the barrel. This is the end you point away from you and toward them." Frankie ran his finger over it, almost affectionately. "Remember that they overheat after a few shots, so aim for the head."_

_Holding the boy's hands in his own, Frankie aimed the pistol at the prisoner's head._

_"Ready to kill your first man, duck?"_

* * *

Tali woke to the sound of a gunshot and screaming echoing through her semi-conscious mind. It took her a moment to realize that it was she who was screaming, and that she was sitting up in bed.

She clutched her chest in an attempt to control her breathing. She knew that little boy's long nose, dark hair, and bright eyes. It was a young Shepard. Around nine, if she had to guess. She had just witnessed his first kill. She coughed out bile in disgust, her suit whisking it away as soon as she realized its presence.

"Tali? Tali! Tali are you alright?"

Garrus appeared at her side, his subvocals thrumming with fear. Through her gloves she could feel the warmth radiating from his hands as he clasped hers.

She took a steadying breath before responding slowly. "Shepard again. But it wasn't a dream of us; it was a dream of him, as a boy."

He didn't pry for details; he knew from her rude awakening it had been something disturbing. She seemed at a loss for words as she leaned to rest her head on his shoulder, tears erupting from her bright eyes.

"It'll be ok." His deep tones rumbled through his body, soothing her. She loved Shepard, she would always love Shepard, but seeing the man she loved so much perform an act so vile - voluntary or not - snapped away a piece of her heart, a piece of her love for him. The loss of that part of herself left a sharp pain. Worse yet was the knowledge that what she saw was only the first time Shepard had killed in such a manner. In the comfort of Garrus's arms, she wept and wept.

Did Shepard intend to show her this? If he did, why?

* * *

"Rear Admiral? Admiral Hackett is requesting you in his office, sir."

Coats turned from his desk to smile faintly at the shy Lieutenant. "Thank you Lieutenant Smollett, I'll be right there."

He dimmed his terminal - currently covered with article after article studying Reaper behaviour - and rubbed his tired eyes. He adjusted his new uniform (which, despite two fittings, still felt too stiff and uncomfortable), placed his cap on his dark hair, and marched to Hackett's office.

The door was already open, and Hackett looked even more weary than Coats felt. Even his customary cap had been removed, taking a new place beside Hackett's terminal. His grey hair was unkempt, defying gravity as it stuck up in every direction.

"Something to show you, Coats." Since Coats' promotion several weeks prior, Hackett began to treat him less like a subordinate and more like an equal, asking him for advice instead of giving him commands. It was an unexpected, but not unpleasant, change for Coats.

"Yes, sir." Hackett gestured at his terminal, and Coats took his place beside him to watch the live feed at the Charon Relay over the Admiral's shoulder.

"The Reapers are beginning to travel through the relay." Hackett pointed at the screen, and as he did, they watched a Sovereign-class approach the relay before disappearing in a flash.

Coats' brow shot up to his hairline. "So the relay has been repaired?"

"It appears that is the case."

"And our contacts at Arcturus?"

"It seems that the Reapers at their relay are also passing through."

Coats wet his lips. "So the Reapers have completed the repairs on the relays. But what if it's a trap, and the relay leads to a destination determined by the Reapers?"

"That's why we'll be sending through a VI-controlled ship before we send anyone else out. That will provide us with an opportunity to do some scouting for whatever is on the other side of that relay."

"If they did repair it and didn't alter the destination, what do you think their next step is?"

"Damned if I know," Hackett grumbled. "But that's our next mystery to solve."


	8. Eden Prime

_"So I say to the clone, 'the minute.. the second I get out of here, I'm going to take your head and mount it in the Normandy CIC. Then I'm going to take her head, and mount it next to yours. Then I'm going to take both your heads and space them out the airlock!'"_

_Garrus slammed his glass down on the table and clutched his chest as he was overtaken with gales of laughter. When he regained his ability to speak, he said, "Commander Shepard, destroyer of the Thorian, Saren, the Collectors, two Reapers, and his clone." He chuckled again and took a long drink from his turian brandy._

_"It wasn't easy, but it sure as hell wasn't boring either."_

_"Nothing with you has been what I'd call 'boring', Shepard, not even retrieving elcor refugees."_

_"I went there expecting to see elcor warriors with cannons strapped to their backs. I left disappointed."_

_Garrus let out a low chuckle. "I knew you didn't head to Dekunna just to be helpful."_

_Shepard finished his drink and stumbled to the bar to pour himself another. "Guilty as charged." He flopped back onto the couch, his arms stretched wide, his expression distant and morose in spite of their light conversation._

_"We're almost at the end, Shepard. What are your plans after this?"_

_Shepard took a long pause before answering, his gaze fixed on the stars that passed them through the observation window. To know that only a sheet of reinforced glass separated them from the safety of the ship and a disturbingly familiar death always left him feeling uneasy. _

_Without a doubt, Garrus was his closest friend on the _Normandy_. In the galaxy, for that matter. So why did Shepard find himself so afraid of speaking the truth to him and Tali? Why did a white lie have to be preferable to painful reality? Closing his eyes he finished the last of his... whatever it was that Cortez had bought him a bottle of. His throat burning, he whispered, "I don't think there is a future for me, Garrus."_

_Garrus's mandibles flickered uncomfortably, and the strain in his subvocals was clear. "What do you mean?"_

_"Garrus, the galaxy is expecting me to destroy an entire race of sentient machines in the next few days. You really think I'm going to be able to succeed in doing that without sacrificing myself? My only goal is to do whatever it takes to make sure that none of you have to sacrifice yourselves too."_

_"We're with you to the end, Shepard, whether that means the end of the battle or the end of our lives."_

_"You don't..." Shepard sighed in frustration, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and his forehead in his calloused palms. "I made a mistake."_

_Garrus watched him with hunter's eyes, fearful of Shepard's next words._

_"I never should have pursued Tali," Shepard said into his hands. "I was being so selfish. On the SR-1, she was this stable entity on the ship, the sort of stability I didn't know that I needed until I died." He moved his face away from his hands and studied them. "I've never told this to anyone, Garrus, but as my lungs took in my last painful breaths before I died, I saw Tali. It would have made so much more sense to see my parents, Anderson, Liara, even Ashley, but the only thing that filled my mind was an image of her looking up at me. Cerberus may have brought my body back, but I didn't wake up until I saw her on Freedom's Progress. Knowing she wasn't just alive but that she was thriving made me need her presence like I needed oxygen. When The Illusive Man sent me her dossier, I wanted to hug that cybernetic bastard." A humourless laugh escaped his lips. "To me, she's... I don't know how to describe it, Garrus. Imagine a man stuck at the bottom of a well, attempting to escape. He meets many friends and lovers during his incarceration, all of which care about him and throw him supplies to keep him alive. But one day a woman appears who throws him a ladder to pull him out of his prison. That's what Tali is to me."_

_"Then why was it a mistake?"_

_"Because instead of climbing up to the surface, I pulled her down with me. She didn't realize it, she just cared about me so much that she wanted to be with me regardless of the cost. But now we love each other, and I'm asking her to risk her life, and if she survives and I don't, she'll be down in that well alone."_

_"She's not a fool, she knows what she got herself into. She also knows it's worth it, and she knows that you're doing this to save the galaxy. Not just your people, but her people too."_

_"But why did I have to let her get attached to me?" he growled. "If I had just left her alone, or told her we couldn't take the risk, she'd be a hell of a lot happier when this is all over."_

_"I know she'd rather be with you for a short time than not at all."_

_"Goddammit, Garrus!" Shepard snapped, clenching his jaw as his eyes met the turian's. The weight of everything was proving to be too great of a burden to bear alone. He not only had to consider the lives of the dozens of species he was expected to save, but also the lives of his crew, which had become the family he never had. _

_In a perfect galaxy where there were no Reapers, he may have married Tali and built a home on Rannoch with her. But this was not a perfect galaxy; it was a galaxy marred with brutality and destruction, where they were being fucked by something which didn't naturally exist. So much for survival of the fittest._

_He regained his composure with a series of long, deep breaths. "I need to ask you a favour."_

_"Of course, Shepard." Garrus didn't appear perturbed by Shepard's previous outburst; he couldn't blame the man for growing weary of having the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. _

_"When this is over and I'm gone-"_

_Garrus interrupted, "When this is over and if something happens to you."_

_"Minor details. What matters is that I need you to take care of Tali when I'm gone. I don't mean keep her safe; she does a great job of doing that on her own. I mean make sure she has someone to talk to, someone to lean on when she's feeling down. Can you do that for me?"_

_"She's like a sister to me, Shepard. I'll take care of her."_

Even with the Thanix Cannon in operational, Garrus found comfort in the main battery. It was hardly the quietest room on the ship, but the constant thrumming and droning resonating through the room had become a comforting form of white noise. So much so, that when he had returned home to Cipritine, he couldn't sleep for lack of it.

He had many a fond memory in this room, and some that were far from fond. He remembered the excitement at discovering Cerberus had equipped the SR-2 with such a cutting edge cannon, and the many hours he had spent perfecting its targeting system. During those hours he slowly came to terms with the loss of his team on Omega, and eventually the death of Sidonis at the hand of his sniper rifle. At first, Shepard had disapproved his desire to bring vengeance to the man who had betrayed him and his team. But Shepard respected Garrus's wishes enough to allow him to proceed with his plan. As a result, Garrus had experienced his first night's sleep since Omega that wasn't plagued with images of the mutilated corpses of his team.

He slipped off a glove and grasped the railing to feel it resonate faintly under his hand. It brought great comfort to feel the ship running; they would no longer be stuck like animals in a trap. They had access to the galaxy - and to some damn answers - once again.

"Garrus, Kaidan is requesting you on the bridge."

"Be right there, Joker."

He was pleased that Kaidan had taken his temporary position of leadership in stride. His ego had not been inflated, and he requested that no one call him anything other than "Kaidan". No "sir", no "commander", not even "Alenko". The man was nothing if not humble.

His boots maintained a steady rhythm as he passed through the CIC, acknowledging each crew member. Saving the galaxy had brought them all together and their time stranded together brought everyone even closer. He might be less familiar with _The Normandy_'s crew, but he knew no one on this team would betray him.

As soon as the doors slid open before him, his eyes locked onto the stars passing, a sight which had become unfamiliar as of late. It was a sign they were on the move, and one step closer to their goal. "You needed me, Kaidan?"

The Spectre, his hands laced behind his back in parade stance, spun to smile wryly at Garrus. "We're making a quick stop in the colony to stock up on fuel before we head to the relay. Thought you might want to see the old girl lift off."

Tali's voice rang from behind him. "It'll be good to be among the stars again."

When Garrus turned to face Tali, warmth spread through his chest. For the first time since their crash landing, she sounded hopeful; he only wished that she wouldn't be disappointed once they reached Earth. "That makes two of us, Tali."

"The colony is empty." Kaidan's hushed tones fitted the utterly silent environment. In the distance they could hear the wind through the leaves and the whir of an idle transmitter, but there were no human sounds.

"Did Cerberus root them out?" James asked, his hand protectively resting on the pistol at his hip.

Liara answered, "My information indicated that with Shepard's assistance the colony was able to rebel against Cerberus, but without access to my systems I have had no updates."

"Look sharp, just to be safe," Kaidan commanded with pursed lips. "It feels too quiet."

Garrus began a preliminary scan for life forms with his visor while analyzing the area. The colonists' departure seemed too rushed; in one prefab he found a bed left unmade, in another he found a dinner table topped with half-eaten meals. His visor indicated they were still warm.

"Either they were rooted out ten minutes ago, or they ran at the sight of us," he whispered to Kaidan.

Liara's voice rang in Kaidan's comm. "I found someone. Second prefab in the northeast corner. Don't send everyone or we'll scare her."

"Noted." Kaidan waved for Garrus to follow him. "Everyone else keep searching, we need to find their fuel supply."

When Kaidan and Garrus entered the prefab, they found Liara sitting cross-legged on the floor beside a young human girl. Kaidan estimated she was around seven, with unkempt blonde hair, chocolate brown eyes, and bare feet.

"Are they Cerberus?" she asked Liara timidly, her cautious eyes darting to the men standing in the doorway.

"They're friends," the asari replied with a warm smile. "They want to help, too."

Kaidan lowered himself onto his haunches so he could look the girl in the eyes. "What's your name, little one?"

"Alice," she whispered.

"Nice to meet you, Alice. I'm Kaidan, and this is Garrus." He didn't miss the shadow of fear that crossed her eyes when her gaze fell on the hulking turian with the scarred visage. Garrus attempted a friendly nod, but to her it could have easily appeared frightening. "He may look scary, but he's really nice," Kaidan added quickly. "What happened to the colony?"

Alice's eyes fell to the floor. "Most of them are gone. There's a few people left but they hid when they saw your ship, in case you're Cerberus too."

"Where did they go?" Liara asked, cocking her head.

"The Shepard came." Liara and Garrus's eyes met - they had been with Shepard on his trip to Eden Prime to retrieve Javik. The colony was barely keeping together at that point; what had happened since then? "He took the relic everyone wanted. I remember it was really big, like as big as a person. Cerberus wanted it really bad. I was there when he took it, and I saw lots of fighting."

"You're very brave," Liara encouraged.

"It was scary, but Shepard helped us. He gave us information to stop them. So all the adults made what weapons they could and fought back." She smacked a closed fist into an open palm, a small line knitting between her brows. "A lot of them... so many of them... died. My daddy included. But they beat Cerberus, and some of us lived. It was quiet for a while, I lived with Auntie Wendie, but I still miss my dad lots. Then the Alliance stopped sending us supplies."

"When?"

"I dunno. A month ago? But now we can only eat a little bit every day, and it's mostly bars and paste. I miss real food."

Liara looked to Kaidan for approval. "Don't we have some food left over? Can we give it to these people?"

"Some, yes. How many colonists are here now, Alice?"

"Uhh..." She began to count on her tiny fingers, her lips forming the names of the other colonists. "About twenty?"

"We don't have enough for that many," Liara muttered, her eyes downcast.

Heavy footfalls were heard from outside and James jogged up to the doorway, slightly breathless. "I found their fuel supply, Kaidan. We should be able to buy enough to get back to Earth."

"Alice, sweetheart, can you get us one of the adults?"

She nodded quickly and took off like a flash of lightning in the opposite direction of the crew.

Liara stood and brushed off the back of her legs. "Their situation is dire."

"But what can we do to help?" Kaidan inquired. "We can give them what rations we have to spare, but it would only be enough for one meal for all of them. Who knows what the situation is with the Alliance and when they'll be able to send them supplies."

Liara was only able to shake her head. She had seen firsthand the devastation of the Reapers, but it felt even worse to see the havoc that Cerberus could wreak upon their fellow human. Yet would she be so much better if she idly sat by while this colony collapsed?

Alice returned, hand-in-hand with a fearful-looking grey-haired woman in her late sixties. The woman's wide eyes darted between the crew members, her mouth becoming wider and wider as she took in their armour and weaponry.

"You must be Wendie." Kaidan kept his voice as gentle as possible; she looked like a deer in the headlights, ready to dart in an unexpected direction at the slightest movement. "My name is Kaidan. These are Liara, James, and Garrus. We would like to purchase some fuel from you. We'll pay premium prices and we'll give you some rations as well. It's not much, but maybe enough for a warm meal for everyone. How does that sound?"

"Are you Cerberus?" Her voice sounded like that of a ghost, as light as air and ready to blow away with the smallest gust of wind.

"I'm an Alliance Major, and a Spectre."

Garrus swallowed and averted his gaze from the woman's; he could hear the fear in her voice when she said the name of that organization, and he felt guilty to know that he once associated himself with them, even though it was because he followed Shepard.

"The Alliance hasn't helped us. Why should we help you?"

"We're Commander Shepard's crew. We're trying to get back to Earth to find out what happened to him. He stopped Cerberus, and he stopped the Reapers."

Her eyes rapidly shook from side-to-side, their brown depths filling with tears. "Cerberus is gone?"

"Cerberus is no more."

Kaidan watched her lip tremble, her grip tightening on Alice's hand. Wordlessly, she pushed through the group and out the door in the direction that James had come from.

"That must be a yes," James commented, watching her retreat.

With their food replenished and supplies doled out, the _Normandy_ crew knew their time to return to Earth had come.

"Thank you again for your help." Kaidan shook Wendie's hand; her arm waved like a wet noodle before falling limply to her side. He had rarely seen a woman so defeated. The rest of the colonists had begun to come out from hiding, and they shared her lost expression.

"Alright people, let's go!" Joker shouted out the airlock.

"Wait!" Liara cried out as she stood before the airlock. The crew turned to stare at her quizzically, watching as her eyes closed firmly and her hands balled into fists at her side. "I'm staying."

"What?"

She sighed and opened her eyes. "I'm staying here, at least for the time being. Never in my years have I seen a group of people so discarded by society. First the geth, then Cerberus? They need help. I can recreate my network and use it to call in supplies and help them rebuild."

This was what she needed, and she knew it. After Shepard's disappearance and assumed loss, her heart yearned for purpose. She could set up a small base of operations here, helping the colonists while gathering her contacts. Every colony in the galaxy needed help now, but she felt a tie to this place. Knowing that it housed the Prothean artifact that started it all, as well as Javik himself, raised her archaeological curiosity. It wouldn't be a permanent residence, but it seemed like a damn good place to start.

"I won't stop you, Liara," Kaidan said. "You need to do what's best for you."

"Thank you, Kaidan."

"You'll always be part of the _Normandy _family. James, will you help Liara move her things?" The marine nodded in affirmation and made his way to her quarters.

"I will stay as well," Javik intercepted. "I wish to further study this place. It has many ties to my people, I can hear their voices in the land."

Kaidan nodded respectfully to the Prothean. Although he was loyal to Shepard, with their Commander gone, it was no surprise that he wished to sever ties. He couldn't blame him for having curiosities about how he ended up on this planet, and how it related to his lost people. It would provide much needed direction for Javik now that the war was over.

"It was an honour serving with you, Javik," Garrus said. "Although I won't miss the threats of being thrown out the airlock." Javik merely scowled in response before pushing through the group to collect his things in his quarters. Liara followed him, sending a forlorn glance to the rest of the crew.

Tali watched their retreating backs, realizing that this was truly the beginning of the end of their time as a crew.


End file.
